The Crossroads

Well, despite what I said a few weeks back, I'm posting something here, but when you finish reading this, you'll understand why I have broken the "fast".  A few details of the last few weeks first.

About a month ago, I was recruited to take a prestigious  job much closer to home. I would no longer be working for a hospital but for a no-nonsense corporation with little patience for non-productive employees.  It would have opened the door to other opportunities and I must say that the urgency with which I was pursued was something I found alluring.  If I took the job, I'd have a two-mile commute instead of  a 60-mile round-trip every day.  I'd get no annoying calls on weekends or nights about cases that had to be done on call.  I would have the title of director and I would have the autonomy and authority to call the shots.  The woman who offered me the position told me she had to pinch herself when she interviewed me because she felt I was too good to be true.  What was there to do except say yes?

The problem is that my heart just wasn't into it.  I have no aspirations in life except spiritual development, for myself, my family and those I encounter in need of conversion.  It occurred to me that if I took this job, I could kiss becoming a secular Carmelite goodbye.  I would have to be totally invested in this job since the center I would be taking over has many challenges in need of resolution.  It would mean not being able to help with an upcoming retreat.  It would mean missing out on the day of recollection with Cardinal Burke.  It would mean getting home late on Rebecca's 16th birthday. It would mean breaking the hearts of the good people I had come to know in my present position.

I was talking to one of my staff members about the new job and I could see she was visibly upset.  I asked her what was wrong and she simply said " I can see that you don't know my story."    She asked to speak to me privately and then told me something so horrific, I don't know how she manages to get up out of bed every day.  She told me that she had lost her oldest child in a fire a few years back and that the anniversary of the death was coming up.  With the trauma of facing that awful date combined with the knowledge that her boss was leaving and the troublemakers were dancing with joy at the prospect of slipping back into their old ways again, she was finding it hard to cope.

That's when the words of the Gospel started ringing in my ears: No greater love than to lay down your life for a friend.

Well, I can't that I've been laying down my life, but I have had to make sacrifices to work where I do.

Those words wouldn't stop speaking to me.

So on Tuesday evening  I shocked my future employer and my family by announcing that I would be staying put.  My boss at my current job told me she knew I wouldn't leave.  She has a philosophy she calls "Let go, let God". I started thinking about that and how if I truly had faith, I would trust that God would see me through the challenges of my current job, not the least of which is the commute.

Now, what to do with this?  For one thing, I will be giving up this blog.  At Rebecca's urging, I will leave it up for awhile, but I won't be accepting comments, checking stats, or any of the other traps we fall into when we blog.  Second, I am going to take the first steps of seeking entrance into the Third Order.  I have not yet decided whether I would like to pursue the chapter at my own parish or the one where our dear Theresa presides. I have to say I am leaning toward the latter.  Finally, I'm going to take my boss's simple advice and let go and let God take over.

When the job that I just turned down opened up, it held very definite attractions for me.  I asked God to grant me this favor if He willed it for me, but we all know what we don't know and that is, how God works. I see now that the reason it was granted so easily is so I could make a choice of whether of I would seek the life He wants me to lead or the one that the world wants me to lead.

Something else has been going of late that is of some concern for me.  People keep coming to me to ask me to pray for them as though I have some special intercessory abilities. I don't.  I just have faith and I think I have not spent enough time praying that those who come to me for help will themselves discover what I have and that is that our faith and all that entails is our  most precious possession.

I won't be "going away" completely.  I will leave my other blog up for news and photos of the Traditional Latin Mass.

I continue to pray for you and your intentions and I know you are doing the same for me.  God bless all of you and thank you for the gift of your friendship and encouragement.  I thank Theresa especially for the courage to take this step.

Goodbye.

Day of Retreat on The Spirituality of St. Philomena

When: Saturday April 28, 2012
Where: National Center of the Archconfraternity of St. Philomena, St. Philomena Church, 41 E. Baltimore Ave. Lansdowne, PA. 19050
Retreat Master: Fr. Jason V. Kulczynski, Director of the National Center of the Archconfraternity of St. Philomena, USA.
Cost: $35 which includes continental breakfast and lunch

The day will include Mass, two talks on the life of St. Philomena under her various titles, Benediction and Novena prayers to St. Philomena.  Questions?  Call St.Philomena's Church Office at 610-622-2420 or Deborah Binder at 856-425-5714.

To view photos of the retreat center, visit:  www.stphilomenapa.org.

Blogfast

Thank you Father John Boyle.  I think I'm going to follow Father's example and let my blog go silent for Lent.  If I have some earth-shattering revelation or reflection that I feel I simply must share, I'll write a draft to be published after Lent.  The only exception will be posting of any happenings in the Archdiocese that might be of interest to my local readers.

In the meantime, let's keep each other in prayer.

I wish you all a holy and spiritually profitable Lenten journey.  I'll see you when He's Risen!

The Post the Radical Feminists Don't Want You to Read

The fact that I did not always do the right thing in life is well-documented on this blog.  In fact, one of things that motivates me to write publicly about some very personal issues is the hope that it might lead a stray home.

This morning when I came downstairs, the television had been turned on by Mr. Y Chromosome, who must have constant background noise, and it was tuned in to some political  talk show where people were scoffing at Rick Santorum and the backlash about the recent HHS decision.

I heard women talk about birth control and abortion as healthcare issues.  I heard women talk as though killing your offspring is something normal.  I heard smart, educated, sophisticated women discuss the Catholic church's stand on abortion and contraception as some kind of misogynist plot to kill women.

Wouldn't it be nice if someone was permitted to ask these women, point-blank, what is so normal about murdering our own children?  The Big Lie has so permeated our society that we don't even blink about the fact that so many think it's OK to have a baby torn from the womb in so many pieces.  I feel like I'm listening to a political version of the "Stepford Wives" as these sad, misguided ladies perpetrate the lie that abortion is a "right" women should have.  In fact, it's a horror so beneath our dignity as women and human beings that I begin to believe these women are not very smart at all.  All the education, degrees, and experience in the working world mean nothing if you are willing to throw away your greatest gifts as something to be prevented or destroyed, like cancer or heart disease.

I know this is a question a lot of us have been asking these past weeks, but it bears repeating:  When did pregnancy become an illness that needed to be prevented?

I once got into a spat with a columnist at Huffington Post who aborted her child after learning she'd been exposed to a known teratogen.  She talked about how, prior to conceiving, she and her husband decided that they wanted to limit the size of their family so that they did not take more from the earth than they were entitled to have.  I find this is a prevailing belief among many on the left, that somehow we should limit procreation to preserve the earth's resources.

Of all the wonders God created, nothing means so much to Him as His people.  He didn't send His Only Son to save the whales, the trees or the ozone.  He sent Him to save us, His children.  And yet we have this mindset that thinks we should limit His most precious creation - humans - in order to "save" the planet.

Abortion is the only medical procedure performed that intentionally leaves a human being dead at its conclusion. In America, women have the legal freedom to kill their own children.  It's so horrible it is difficult say it.

Those are the cold, hard facts someone needs to remind these intellectuals the next time they want to mock Rick Santorum or anyone else who upholds the sanctity of life.  Abortion is a sick, demeaning, destructive act that is so beneath our dignity as women that no self-respecting feminist should ever talk about it as anything other than what it is - slavery to sin, the wages of which is death.

Thank You Lord

Tomorrow is the annual Flyers' Wives Fight for Lives Carnival at the Wells Fargo Center.  The players' wives founded this charity years ago after the team lost defenseman Barry Ashbee to leukemia.  The carnival has always benefited leukemia research.

For a year now, Rebecca has asked to be able to go to the carnival to meet her favorite player, Danny Briere (who bears a slight resemblance to Paul McCartney).  A family friend bought  her a ticket so that she could not only meet Briere but have a photo taken with him.  She planned to have him autograph her jersey and she even practiced some French since he's from one of the French-speaking provinces.

On Thursday, my heart sank as I watched him take a hit that really jolted his neck.  He left the game and didn't come back.  Since he already suffered one concussion this season, I was worried that he'd had another.  If he did, the team would not have allowed him to participate in the carnival since the lights, music and other sensory stimulation is not helpful to a player battling a concussion.

Rebecca doesn't ask for very much and I hated the idea of her looking forward to this for so long only to be disappointed, so I asked Jesus for one of those frivolous things I wouldn't normally mention.

As it turns out, Danny B did not suffer a concussion.  He had a minor shoulder injury so insignificant he was on the ice today for the game against the Penguins.  God-willing, Rebecca will get her wish tomorrow afternoon.

I know this is a trifle of little significance, but I thank God all the same for His generosity to His little servant.

For Wives and Mothers Wishing to Deepen Their Vocations

If you're like me, teetering on the threshold  of joining a third order, this post from Vultus Christi is for you.  Thanks again to Father Mark.

I Have Given You the Power to Tread Upon Serpents and Scorpions

I had to remind someone of this Gospel today.  They are fearful of the enemy.  I am not.  I am not foolish enough, however, to believe that on my own I have any power over him.  But nonetheless, the only thing I fear is separation from Jesus Christ, who conquered sin and death and will see my friend through this present trial.

Good will always triumph over evil.

"Behold, I have given you the power ‘to tread upon serpents’ and scorpions and upon the full force of the enemy and nothing will harm you.Nevertheless, do not rejoice because the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice because your names are written in heaven.” - Luke 10:19

Your continued prayers would be most appreciated.

New Translation Work-Around

I don't know what the intention was behind this, but it was an interesting way to skirt the new translation of the Mass.  I won't say where this took place because I had not encountered this particular priest before and perhaps this was an anomaly.

Anyway, the responses were "authored" by Dan Schutte and included words that the Agnus Dei does not contain.  We were also instructed to sing a memorial acclamation that was not kept as part of the new translation.

I was cooperative and sang the responses as requested, but I sang the correct responses.  Bad enough they were set to a Dan Schutte melody.

Rep. Jackie Speier Is At It Again

We last heard from her when she tried to garner sympathy for herself by trying to compare the evacuation of an already deceased baby from the womb to a partial-birth abortion. No one would take lightly the tragedy that the congress woman endured when she lost a child. With that said, her speech was disingenuous to say the least.   Now, she's making the claim that Catholic institutions provide insurance that pays for vasectomies.  She offered no proof for this accusation as she accuses the Catholic bishops of being hypocrites.

What don't these people get?  Employment at a Catholic institution is an at-will arrangement.  In fact, unless you're in the military or under some other kind of contract, employment anywhere is pretty much at-will.

To paraphrase the favorite motto of pro-aborts, if you don't like the policies of Catholic institutions, don't work for one.

Social Events Should Never Be Scheduled for a Sunday Morning

I am amazed at the number of people, Catholics mind you, who see nothing wrong with scheduling a social event for a Sunday morning.  True, I could go to Mass the evening before, early that morning or even Sunday evening, but that's not what I want to do.  The Sabbath belongs to the Lord, and it is appropriate to honor Him on Sunday morning whenever possible.

Schedule the baby/wedding/engagement showers/parties/whatever for some other time than Sunday morning, particularly if you want me to RSVP yes.  No?

Wherein Yours Truly Displays Her Ignorance

My loyal friend Richard Collins of the very fine Linen on the Hedgerow has tagged me for a meme.  Now truth be told, for the longest time, I thought meme was the French word for same.  Funny what things stick in your memory that are of no use.  But anyway, I've been tagged in a meme that originated with Mac at Mulier Fortis. I will tell you of my three favourite religious books that I recommend for Kindle (even though I don't own one, but that's a post for another day).  Next, I have to nominate 5 other bloggers and ask for their three favorite religious books.  I'm sure my readers know how this works better than I do, so here goes.

1. Story of a Soul by St. Therese.  Often dismissed for her sentiment, this autobiography of St. Therese is a road map to Heaven and provides a glimpse of one of the Church's holiest families.

2. The Way of Perfection by St. Teresa of Avila.  While this was written to assist her nuns keep perfectly through prayer the rule of their order, it's of great use to laity as well.  Confession time: I tried, but could not get through Interior Castle.  The Way of  Perfection is a beautiful guide to prayer written in more simple language.  As Teresa of Jesus said as she set out to write this book: "I shall speak of nothing of which I have no experience, either in my own life or in observation of others, or which the Lord has not taught me in prayer."

3. The Royal Way of the Cross by Francois Fenelon.  Written by a French archbishop ( of a much longer proper name than I have revealed here) the "book" is actually a series of letters written presumably for the purpose of spiritual direction for those who sought his help with specific problems.

So, Kelly at a Mom for Life, Caroline at the Bell of the Wanderer, Patricia at I Want to See Jesus,  Allison at Totus Tuus and Daniel at Through Vocation, you're up.

Now, lest I forget completely, my dear friend Kathy at Moving on to the Past awarded this me last week.

I have to return the favor by awarding same to 15 other bloggers.  This will require some thought so stay tuned.  Here are the rules, btw, copied from Kathy's blog.

1. Add the award to your blog. 
2. Thank the blogger who gave it to you.
3. Mention seven random things about yourself. (see below)
4. List the rules.
5. Award to 15 bloggers.
6. Inform each of those 15 by leaving a comment on their blog.


As you are all well aware, I talk a little too much about myself.  So I might add a twist to this.  If you're interested, send me a random fact about yourself.  I will take seven random revelations and post them and everyone will have to match the fact with the blogger.  


Remember, you have to play to win, or something like that.

Post-SuperBowl Sunday at Home

In winter, we don't go to the grandparents' house every Sunday and since Grandmom will be making a big dinner for someone's 24th birthday next week, we decided to let her take a well-deserved rest today.

One of these days, I am going to make better use of Saturday evening by getting Sunday's dinner ready then so that I, too, can abstain from servile work.  Hey, we have to eat, but that doesn't mean I can't cook it the night before.

Today's dinner is going to be my homemade gnocchi in a Shitake cream sauce.  Some of the ingredients are pictured below where they have been set out to become closer to room temperature.

I really like the ricotta I'm using as it's made locally ( in Chester County, PA where the Shitakes were grown) and it's the closest I've been able to find to genuine homemade ricotta.  I like gnocchi, or cavatelli if you prefer because these are being made with cheese and not potato, because you don't need any special equipment to make them.  I wish I could give you a recipe, but when it comes to cooking, I shoot from the hip, which drives people who want an exact recipe crazy.

Last year I posted some photos of the finished product.  If we haven't devoured them all, I might get around to doing that again.

One of the reasons I have never been able to persuade my husband to move out of this neighborhood is because of our proximity to some of the world's best food.  We have the Italian Market just blocks away as well as Middle Eastern, Indian, Asian and now Mexican fare.

On Sundays, my husband goes to early Mass, and then he visits Sarcone's Bakery, where he gets us our Sunday loaf and picks up bread for the ladies at Isgro's Bakery as well.  We have several excellent bread bakeries in this section of the city and Sarcone's is probably the most renowned.

Last Sunday, there was a bit of confusion when we left for dinner and someone who shall remain nameless forgot the loaf of bread on the dining room table. I can tell you we were quivering in our boots when we knocked at the door at our destination.  My dad doesn't take kindly to us showing up without the bread.

"You have one job on Sunday, you failed at it", he told us, only half-joking.

Not today.  My work, significantly more involved than just remembering a loaf of bread, is waiting for me on the kitchen counter.

A blessed Sunday to all.

My Grace Is Sufficient For You

For Sexagesima Sunday, a timely and must-read from Vultus Christi. For those of you who are not familiar with the Traditional Latin Mass, there are three Sundays that occur immediately before the first Sunday in Lent that are a kind of pre-Lent to help prepare us for the heavy lifting we will soon be doing. As Father Z pointed out on Friday, no part of the Collect for today's Mass survived the changes of Vatican II, which is unfortunate. It refers to St. Paul as the "Doctor of the Gentiles" and implores God for the saint's protection for us.

St. Paul bore an unrevealed thorn, about which he complained to Jesus, Who told him: "My Grace is sufficient for you."

And for us.

Sufficit tibi gratia mea

CUF Sponsors Day of Recollection With Cardinal Burke

Catholics United for the Faith (CUF) is presenting a Day of Recollection on the Sacred Heart of Jesus on Saturday, April 21st at St. Charles Seminary in Overbrook, PA.  His Eminence Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke, Prefect, Supreme Tribunal of the Apostolic Signatura, will be the principal speaker.  The day includes several talks by Cardinal Burke, lunch, and the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass offered by the Cardinal at 4pm in St. Martin's Chapel.  The Boys Choir of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia will sing at the Mass.

For more information, visit CUF's website

What Bernadette Can Teach Us About Perseverance, Suffering, Faith and Judgment

Inspired by Richard Collins' clip, I give you this on the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes.  The Blessed Virgin Mary chose this simple, humble and suffering young girl to foment belief in her Immaculate Conception and to teach the world the value of suffering and perseverance and concern for the sick.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us and for all who suffer affliction of body, mind and soul.

St. Bernadette, pray for us that we may persevere as you did as humble models of Christian purity, simplicity and faith.

What Did You to Help Them?

There are a lot of difficult personalities I have to contend with in my job, many more than I have ever encountered elsewhere.  Sometimes, I think God assembled a lifetime of difficult people in this one place where it is permissible to use His Name, display a crucifix and pray.  I'm sure this was by design, just as it is by design when you meet a vile, despicable person on the street who does or says something objectionable thing that makes you want to haul off and slug them.  God expects us to react, but not in that way.  He puts such people in our path so we can pray for them, because it's apparent that nothing is else is working to help them.

I have been fearful of a certain person for some months now.  When I see this person, my inclination is to either want to ignore them or run the other way.  Every encounter with this person is an indictment of my abilities, in her mind, to do my job.  Sometimes, I can literally feel her claw marks in my neck and I seriously consider never coming back so as to escape her.  She's not in a position of authority, and I think this is part of why her attacks are relentless.  In her mind, she has tied being in a leadership position to self-worth, and it's apparent she loathes herself every bit or more than she loathes me and the others whose lives she has made unpleasant.

Yesterday, she did something that really set my blood boiling.  It involved a brand new and very vulnerable employee who just started working with us.  It's one thing to go after me, but attack one of my little lambs, and it's quite another.  After protecting the person and reassuring them that what happened was understandable and not unexpected for a brand-new employee with very little time on the job, I sat down and wrote my boss an email detailing what happened and why she must act, now, to intervene.

The offending person has already caused one person to quit, and another young person with a lot of promise and ability has one foot out the door and the other on a banana peel, so tenuous is this situation on a daily basis.  My email was a brief litany of what just happened and a desperate plea for her to get this resolved before another person walks.  Then it kind of hit me that of all the things I've done to make this situation better, the one thing I hadn't done yet was pray for this person.  Not once.

I prayed about her, for God to protect me from her vicious attacks, but not once had I prayed for her.

I still think my boss needs to do more than she has to correct this problem, but I also realized that the offending person has some deep-rooted issues that are causing her to behave this way.  It cannot be pleasant to be who she is right now.  Whether or not her behavior is by choice or rooted in some pathology is not for me to say.  My obligation is to lift her in prayer.

Whenever I peel off a list of offending personalities to Jesus, His first question is: But what did you do for them?

Good question, Lord.  I didn't do what I should have, but I will now.

Uncle!

I picked a time for Adoration for which no one else had committed.  Suddenly, lots of folks started showing up for "my" Holy Hour, some of them not so quiet.   I spoke to the nun who coordinates the schedule for the chapel and asked what other times are not covered.  10pm was available, so she agreed to let me switch.  Well, guess what?  The folks who were coming earlier are now coming later, with me.

Last week, one of the gentleman sat sideways in the pew directly in front of me, so I could not look at the monstrance without seeing this man's face.  And then, he turned around and started talking to me.  I was ready to scream.

If you want me to cry "uncle" Dear Lord, I am!

Maybe this is God's way of telling me I deserve Purgatory, but in His Mercy, He's letting me have it now.

UPDATE

I had the chapel to myself last night, except for  a couple who stopped in briefly and were very quiet.  What a lovely thing for a couple to do together late on a Friday evening, stop in for a few quiet moments of adoration together.

There is no quiet in my house.  I am married to a drummer, for one thing, and for another, he is one of those people who must always have music or television in the background.  And because of that Y chromosome he was endowed with, whatever he listens to or watches must be turned up to 96 decibels.   Sometimes, I go upstairs to pray because it's not always feasible to get to a chapel, and it's impossible to escape the noise.  I plead for silence, and no matter where I go, I can't go any.

Lately, Mr. Little Way has taken to a particularly grating habit of practicing on his drum pad (which is like listening to water drip very quickly and repeatedly) WHILE he watches the auto auction on the Speed Channel.  Can you imagine having to listen simultaneously to an auctioneer's voice AND water dripping?

I tell you, God is doing everything in His Power to get me to Heaven, making sure I do my time in Purgatory while still on earth.

That's why it's so wonderful when I can have the chapel either to myself or be able to share it with like-minded people who can observe the rule of silence when in the Divine Presence.

That's all.

Something to Think About

photo via Liturgiae Causa

This idea came to us in the daily reflection that we receive at work each day, and that is, that God's mercy and forgiveness are like the dawn, coming over and over again.

You know by reading my profile that I didn't always lead the kind of life that a Catholic wife and mother should, but I want you to know, especially those of you struggling, that I never worry about what I've done.  I concern myself with where I'm going.  There are many people I would never have reached had I not gone down the sinful path that I did, and perhaps the same can be said for you.

To everything, there is a purpose.

Sometimes, that includes the darkest, most horrific places in our lives.

One day, we'll know, so for now, our only recourse is to trust.

God is in control.  Always.

This Year's Lenten Plans

In less than two weeks, our favorite liturgical season will be upon us.  What we will do this year to make our Lenten journey a spiritually profitable one for ourselves and our families?

For one thing, I will not be blogging or reading blogs on Fridays.  I would encourage others to do the same.

Today, a Douay-Rheims edition of the New Testament with a complete set of Psalms arrived in the mail from the friars at Mystic Monk Coffee.  It's a flexible cover edition small enough to tuck inside my handbag.  I don't think I read Scripture enough so I will make a sincere effort this Lent to devote a little time each day to that devotion.  I hope to pray the Psalms more often as well.

As is my routine during Lent, I will try to make the Stations of the Cross each Friday at my own parish, and perhaps on other days during the week if they are offered at other nearby churches.  And I will make a more concerted effort to get some family members other than faithful Rebecca to go with me.

I took the day off on Ash Wednesday.  I like to begin the day with early morning Mass at my own parish, followed by Adoration and hopefully confession later in the day.   Then I will take Matthew to a prayer service at our parish later in the day when he gets home from school.

So far I know of only one retreat for Lent, the silent retreat at the Carmel that I mentioned a few weeks ago.  In lieu of an additional retreat, I will try to spend more time in Adoration, perhaps combined with fasting before-hand.  Who knows what soul might be saved from this effort?  Maybe my own!

The Royal Way of the Cross by Francois Fenelon is one of my favorite picks for Lenten reading.  Does anyone have any others to suggest?  I am a bit of a creature of habit whereby with both spiritual books as well as fiction, I like to go back to that with which I'm familiar, rather than venturing out and trying something new, so I'd like to get out of my comfort zone a bit with something different.

I know some people consider abstaining from certain foods or treats a juvenile way to observe Lent, but I think it's a good thing if you combine it with spiritual practices.  God give me the strength to give up Pepsi for Lent (and  help my poor family during the withdrawal period!).

I Hope That Someday...

.. I will abandon myself unconditionally to God

...I will successfully keep my heart centered and my mind from wandering during Holy Mass

...I will rejoice that others have come to Adore Jesus and not internally react as if they're disrupting my private time

...I will rejoice to be little and unnoticed

...I will not sit in judgment of a priest or others who do not say or do what I think they should

...I will remember the mortification suffered by the Lord on His way to Calvary before I recoil at some small humiliation

And on a lighter note -

I WILL remember to look under the covers before sitting on the bed and nearly crushing my new best friend.  If it wasn't for the growl that came from beneath the sheets, I might have hurt the little guy.  Ah, to be so loved!