The Unprofitable Servant: Now I Know How You Feel

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Now I Know How You Feel

Eden, nearly in full bloom. Even in the face of grief, life goes on

Mass wasn't nearly as well attended this morning as it normally is. The gentleman who has been battling cancer and defying the odds for the past two years was conspicuously absent. No one seems to know where or how he is. It was nice to just stay behind in the darkness and the quiet afterward and pray for a little while. I try not to think too much about my sister-in-law and where her soul is right now, but it's hard. I remind myself that God's mercy will always surpass our expectations and that it's always a mistake to try to figure out what God is up to in any given situation.

Like a lot of people, I suffer from distraction at prayer. It saddens me to think that Our Lord allows Himself to be confected from ordinary bread and wine and I can't even manage to pay attention to Him for more than a few minutes at a time before drifting off. It breaks my heart to think that He patiently waits until my fit of distraction is over to begin to talk to Him again.

When I was growing up, I always felt like I was a more steady and reliable friend to others than they were to me. Part of the problem was that one of my friends was extremely popular and though she always said we were best friends, the truth was that we were friends born of convenience. When she didn't have something better to do, she'd expect me to drop everything. When she'd have a crisis with one of her many boyfriends, she'd expect me to go running to her. It got tiresome, especially since this loyalty was never reciprocated. More often than not, my feelings were hurt.

Now that I am 50 years old, I have to tell you that things have not changed much. When folks call me, sometimes in the throes of emotional or spiritual agony, the expectation is that I will drop everything for them. Being the kind of person I am, I usually do. It's just impossible for me to ignore a friend in need. I was feeling kind of sorry for myself regarding this because I have reached out to someone whose expertise I need with a work issue, and I've yet to hear back.

And then it occurred to me.

Could the Lord think so highly of me that He would want to give me a small token of what He experiences when He seeks our friendship? He's never too busy or disinterested to listen. How many times have I been willing to drop everything to listen to Him? How many times could I have offered Him solace and either ignored Him or refused outright? How many times has He tried to say something to me, but I was too distracted by the world to listen?

"Behold this Heart, which loves men so much, but they do not want to love Me in return."

9 comments:

MannyMay 17, 2011 at 9:00 PM
Oh don't feel sorry for yourself Joyce, feel blessed. You are such a good soul. "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land." I was probably similar too when I was young. I grew older to be fairly forceful. I guess one gets that way in the competitive world of engineering. But I felt I was more stepped upon than not as a teen and young man.

By the way, I don't consider you so meek. You have been pretty forceful in some of our debates. ;)

I do have a religious question on death, since it's been on your mind. What do we Catholics believe happens at death? Does the soul go directly to heaven/purgatory/hell or is that on judgement day? Some people say that we are in essence asleep until that last day. But that doesn't seem correct to me.
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TLWMay 17, 2011 at 9:08 PM
Thanks Manny, you're right. I need a good kick in the butt. There is no merit in feeling sorry for one's self.

To answer your question, I think that is something to which there is no definitive answer. For instance, Our Lady has promised that those who faithfully wear her Brown Scapular will be taken to Heaven, by her, on the first Saturday after their death. Now, what does that say for everyone else? I honestly don't know. On the other hand, at Fatima, when the children asker her about their little friends who had already died, she told them that one of the girls was in Heaven, but the other was in Purgatory until the end of time. That would lead me to believe that even if we are not judged immediately, some have been judged already. Sorry I don't have a better answer but maybe someone more learned than me can chime in.
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MannyMay 17, 2011 at 9:43 PM
Thank you. If you do get an answer I would be intersted in hearing it. I'll continue to look around.
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PatriciaMay 18, 2011 at 12:50 AM
Hi Manny and Joyce. The Church's teaching is that we experience the "particular judgement" immediately at death, and go straight to heaven, hell or purgatory, but in spirit alone, as we do not receive our bodies back until the Last Day. At that time, we participate in the "General Judgement," where everyone will understand all that God worked in each soul and the graces they were given and choices made. It will be the day of God's Justice. Everyone will understand the workings of God in each soul. Then, with body and soul, each person will enter eternal life. All who had died before will return to their previous abode, but now united to their bodies. However, purgatory will no longer exist, as this is the final judgement and the end of the world as we know it.

We do not "fall asleep" at death. We are like the Saints, who even now are united with God in heaven, and pray for us etc. Many of us will probably have to do some time in purgatory first though. Hope this helps!

Joyce, I understood completely what you wrote. I felt like I was reading the story of my own friendships. We are in good company. Therese also experienced this, and wrote in her autobiography that she loved others with her whole heart, but they never returned her love in that way. Then she said that God wisely denied her the love of creatures, because she would have probably given her heart away.

Like you, as a mature adult now, I see this as a blessing too.. It enables one to learn detachment, after being treated this way many times over.

And, is it not truly an honor and blessing when we can share a tiny bit in something of Our Blessed Lord's suffering.

I loved your insight on how we often treat Him in the same way others hurt us by their neglect and half-hearted friendship. Thank you.
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Kathy Felsted UsherMay 18, 2011 at 5:31 AM
This could turn into quite a good discussion. I spoke to a Catholic mystic who had a near death experience. She said there is definately purgatory and we should be very glad there is. Different levels so perhaps different time frames, plus all the choices to be made at the time of death. Even the very worst of the worst can go to heaven at the last minute if they open their hearts and accept Christ.

As for your friends, it is a shame people take advantage, and they do even if they don't realize it, but it shows you that you are someone that people feel they can trust and turn to when they don't think they can handle things by themselves. That alone speaks volumes.
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TLWMay 18, 2011 at 6:56 PM
Patricia, thank you much for taking the time to correct Manny and me. It's wonderful when someone is willing to share their knowledge of the faith to help others understand as well.

Thank you also for reminding me about St. Therese. I know she often wrote about her oversensitivity, and your words remind me of her Christmas conversion after Midnight Mass. I'm a work in progress and I'm glad to have the encouragement of a fellow traveler.
God bless you!
Joyce
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MannyMay 18, 2011 at 9:16 PM
Thank you very much Patricia. That is kind of what I thought. It's good to finally have it confirmed.

Seems unfair that the people at the end of time will not have much of a purgatory, because I know I'll be in for a long time...lol. I'm kidding on the unfairness. ;)
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PatriciaMay 19, 2011 at 1:14 PM
Joyce, the entire explanation of the Church's teachings on judgment and what happens after death can be found in paragraphs 1020-1050 in the CCC, which is accessible online, if one doesn't have a copy.

I think Our Lord had a tender and sensitive heart too: Simon,you gave me no kiss, no water to wash my feet.....; Could you not watch one hour with me? What she (Mary) has done for me will be remembered as long as the gospel is preached; Were not ten healed...?

But Jesus although hurt, forgave everyone, and He turned His tenderness toward others in need, rather than feeling self-pity as I have often done.

How beautiful HE IS!
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TLWMay 19, 2011 at 7:08 PM
Yes, Patricia, there is none more beautiful than He
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Mary, Queen of Peace

Ever glorious and blessed Mary, Queen of Virgins, Mother of Mercy, hope and comfort of dejected and desolate souls, through that sword of sorrow which pierced thy tender heart whilst thine only Son, Christ Jesus, our Lord, suffered death and ignominy on the cross; through that filial tenderness and pure love He had for thee, grieving in thy grief, whilst from His cross He recommended thee to the care and protection of His beloved disciple, St. John, take pity, I beseech thee, on my poverty and necessities; have compassion on my anxieties and cares; assist and comfort me in all my infirmities and miseries, of every kind whatsoever. Thou art the Mother of Mercies, the sweet comforter and only refuge of the needy and the orphan, of the desolate and afflicted. Cast, therefore, an eye of pity on a miserable, forlorn child of Eve, and hear my prayer; for since, in just punishment of my sins, I find myself encompassed by a multitude of evils, and oppressed with much anguish of spirit, wither can I fly for more secure shelter, O amiable Mother of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, than under the wings of thy maternal protection? Attend, therefore, I beseech thee, with an ear of pity and compassion, to my humble and earnest request. I ask it, through the bowels of mercy of thy dear Son; Through that love and condescension wherewith He embraced our nature, when, in compliance with the divine Will, thou gavest thy consent, and whom, after the expiration of nine months thou didst bring forth from the chaste enclosure of thy womb, to visit the world, and bless it with His presence. I ask it, through that anguish of mind wherewith thy beloved Son, our dear Saviour, was overwhelmed on the Mount of Olives, when He besought His eternal Father to remove from Him, if possible, the bitter chalice of His future passion. I ask it, through the threefold repetition of His prayers in the garden, whence afterwards, with dolorous steps and mournful tears, thou didst accompany Him to the doleful theatre of His death and sufferings. I ask it, through the welts and bruises of His virginal flesh, occasioned by the cords and whips wherewith He was bound and scourged, when stripped of His seamless garment, for which His executioners afterwards cast lots. I ask it, through the scoffs and ignominies by which He was insulted; the false accusations and unjust sentence by which He was condemned to death, and which He bore with heavenly patience. I ask it, through His bitter tears and bloody sweat; His silence and resignation; His sadness and grief of heart. I ask it, through the blood which trickled from His royal and Sacred Head, when struck with the sceptre of a reed and pierced with His crown of thorns. I ask it, through the excruciating torments He suffered, when His hands and feet were fastened with gross nails to the tree of the cross. I ask it, through His vehement thirst, and bitter potion of vinegar and gall. I ask it, through His dereliction on the cross when He exclaimed, "My God! my God! why hast Thou forsaken me?" I ask it, through His mercy extended to the good thief, and through His recommending His precious soul and spirit into the hands of His eternal Father before He expired, saying, "It is consummated." I ask it, through the blood mixed with water, which issued from His Sacred Side when pierced with a lance, and whence a flood of grace and mercy has flowed to us. I ask it, through His immaculate life, bitter passion and ignominious death on the cross, at which nature itself was thrown into convulsions, by the bursting of rocks, rending of the veil of the Temple, the earthquake, and the darkness of the sun and moon. I ask it, through His descent into hell, where He confronted the Saints of the old law with His presence, and led the captivity captive. I ask it, through His glorious victory over death, when He arose again to life on the third day, and through the joy which His appearance for forty days after gave thee, His blessed Mother, His Apostles, and the rest of His Disciples; when in thine and their presence He miraculously ascended into heaven. I ask it, through the grace of the Holy Spirit, infused into the hearts of His Disciples, when He descended upon them in the form of fiery tongues, and by which they were inspired with zeal in the conversion of the world, when they went to preach the gospel. I ask it, through the awful appearance of thy Son, at the last dreadful day, when He shall come to judge the living and the dead, and the world, by fire. I ask it, through the compassion He bore thee in His life, and the unspeakable joy thou didst feel at thine assumption into heaven, where thou art eternally absorbed in the sweet contemplation of His divine perfections. O glorious and ever blessed Virgin! comfort the heart of thy supplicant, by obtaining for me, (Mention your prayer intention here...) And as I am persuaded my Divine Saviour doth honour thee as His beloved Mother, to whom He refuses nothing, because thou asketh nothing contrary to His honour, so let me speedily experience the efficacy of thy powerful intercession, according to the tenderness of thy maternal affection, and His filial loving heart, who mercifully granteth the requests and complieth with the desires of those that love and fear Him. Wherefore, O most blessed Virgin, beside the object of my present petition, and whatever else I may stand in need of, obtain for me also of thy dear Son, our Lord and our God, a lively faith, firm hope, perfect charity, true contrition of heart, unfeigned tears of compunction, sincere confession, condign satisfaction, abstinence from sin, love of God and my neighbour, contempt of the world, patience to suffer affronts and ignominies, nay, even, if necessary, an opprobrious death itself, for love of thy Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ. Obtain likewise for me, O sacred Mother of God, perseverance in good works, performance of good resolutions, mortification of self-will, a pious conversation through life, and, at my last moments, strong and sincere repentance, accompanied by such a lively and attentive presence of mind, as may enable me to receive the last Sacrament of the Church worthily, and die in thy friendship and favour. Lastly, obtain through thy Son, I beseech thee, for the souls of my parents, brethren, relatives and benefactors, both living and dead, life everlasting, from the only Giver of every good and perfect gift, the Lord God Almighty, to Whom be all power now and forever. Amen.

Prayer of St. Bonaventure

Pierce, O most sweet Lord Jesus, my inmost soul with the most joyous and healthful wound of Thy love, and with true, calm and most holy apostolic charity, that my soul may ever languish and melt with entire love and longing for Thee, may yearn for Thee and for thy courts, may long to be dissolved and to be with Thee.
Grant that my soul may hunger after Thee, the Bread of Angels, the refreshment of holy souls, our daily and super substantial bread, having all sweetness and savor and every delightful taste.
May my heart ever hunger after and feed upon Thee, Whom the angels desire to look upon, and may my inmost soul be filled with the sweetness of Thy savor; may it ever thirst for Thee, the fountain of life, the fountain of wisdom and knowledge, the fountain of eternal light, the torrent of pleasure, the fullness of the house of God;
may it ever compass Thee, seek Thee, find Thee, run to Thee, come up to Thee, meditate on Thee, speak of Thee, and do all for the praise and glory of Thy name, with humility and discretion, with love and delight, with ease and affection, with perseverance to the end; and be Thou alone ever my hope, my entire confidence, my riches, my delight, my pleasure, my joy, my rest and tranquility, my peace, my sweetness, my food, my refreshment, my refuge, my help, my wisdom, my portion, my possession, my treasure; in Whom may my mind and my heart be ever fixed and firm and rooted immovably. Amen.

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God Bless You!

The Unprofitable Servant

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Now I Know How You Feel

9 comments:

Mary, Queen of Peace

St Michael the Archangel

St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi

St. Teresa Benedicta of The Cross