The Unprofitable Servant: Time to Lay the Axe to the Root

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Time to Lay the Axe to the Root

"Tina! Bring me the axe! "

"When in the morning we feel no courage or strength for the practice of virtue, it is really a grace: it is the time to lay the axe to the root of the tree, relying on Jesus alone...He helps us without seeming to do so." - St. Therese

I really need to keep reminding myself of The Little Flower's words today.

I am in the throes of another headache. I notice now they're coming every time I have to make my Communion calls to the sick and shut-ins of our parish. This one is more tolerable than others have been, but it's still hard to think of all I have to do. We're having a reception after Mass tomorrow and I have to make sandwiches. I'll make them in the morning, but I need to get to the store today to get the cold cuts, etc. Since my husband's birthday pretty much went unnoticed on Monday due to the funeral, I promised to make it up to him tonight with his favorite dinner of soft-shelled crabs and tomato salad followed by yellow cake with chocolate icing. If I don't get going soon, I never will.

Work is increasingly difficult. I realized the other day that I spend more time doing things I really can't stand doing than I spend doing things that I enjoy. Every time there is a problem, people call me instead of learning from me how to resolve matters on their own. It gets wearisome. Somehow, things get done, problems get resolved, and I realize I had little or nothing to do with it. Every morning, I beg Jesus to help me, and He does. Because He needs no accolades, He goes about His work so quietly that I often forget He's there.

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child"

It's a humbling thing to realize that though I think I have set out to bring Him joy, I have caused Him more pain instead by my ingratitude and forgetfulness. When someone continually takes me for granted, I think to myself: I'll show them how it feels. I won't return their call or help them the next time they're in need so they'll get the idea. Lucky for me, God doesn't think that way. Mother Angelica said it's a kind of sin to underestimate God's mercy. I say it's a sin for me to assume God is as small-minded as I am.

There is something else hanging over my head right now. My husband went for some routine lab work and the doctor called to say she'd like to discuss the results in person and that further testing is needed. I kind of have an idea what she's thinking based on the tests she ordered. This has been a bit of weight as well. I often joke that my marriage is my martyrdom and I'm only half-joking. My husband has his faults like anyone else and I often find myself lacking in the patience to deal with him. I will wait and see what this is all about before I get myself worked up about it. I keep hearing that line from Joni Mitchell's "Yellow Taxi"

"Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got til it's gone".

I hope he will be around awhile longer to drive me even more insane than he does now, not for my sake but the sake of my kids, especially the two younger ones who already have so much to deal with from their health issues. I stated thinking the other day that if this all turns out to be nothing, it could be wake-up call from God that he wants me to embrace my vocation as a wife more than I do and to live in the here and now.

We'll soon see.

10 comments:

KellyMay 28, 2011 at 9:12 AM
Oh! Definitely praying it WILL turn out to be nothing! Scary~you both have been undergoing so much. :(
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Kathy Felsted UsherMay 28, 2011 at 11:17 AM
Sending prayers!
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meMay 28, 2011 at 12:11 PM
you are both in my prayers!
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JulieMay 28, 2011 at 1:16 PM
Prayers, yes indeed.
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CarolineMay 28, 2011 at 1:50 PM
I'm praying for your headaches and the report on your husband. I always hate to say, 'yes, me too.. I'm going through that too..' but some of us seem to have parallel learning experiences. In January my husband had tests because of some physical struggles. The doctor was sure of what would come back. It was one of those prayer weekends I spent a lot of time on my knees..I also made a promise to Him if he would spare" my cross" as well. He did.. much to the doctor's surprise.
It's exhausting putting the axe to the root..
Prayers and Blessings
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TLWMay 28, 2011 at 6:20 PM
Thank you all for the prayers. From the bottom of my heart, I am grateful.

Caroline, I never mind knowing that I am in company with others who have had similar situations. It's comforting when I write something to know others have experienced something similar and it's also helpful to hear how you handled it.

Blessings!
Joyce
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MannyMay 28, 2011 at 8:38 PM
Oh Joyce, my deepest prayers for your husband. May it turn out fine. You must be really stressed out. My prayers for you too.

I also owe you an apology. I came across harsh to you in my reply on my blog. I'm sure your Thursday blog was partly directly at me. It was not my intent to anger you. I have to make a better effort to disagree in a more genteel way. Forgive me.

(This is Manny and I have not been able to log into blogger. It's been a week long problem. Appears quite of few people have not been able to log in. I see you guys all have.)
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TLWMay 28, 2011 at 9:20 PM
Actually, Manny, I never saw your reply to me, and the post wasn't directed at you. If you wrote something similar, I wasn't aware of it - so much the better in that case!

Anger is one reason why I avoid most discussions about politics. You will be entertained to hear that a couple who we were once close to but has since moved away are self-proclaimed Zionists and we have learned how to respect each other's opposing opinions - by not discussing the subject at all. When they last visited, dropping in unexpectedly, they asked me to give them a ride to Chinatown so they could let their son take the car to visit someone else. Steve told me he couldn't believe he was going to ride in a car (mine) with a bumper sticker that read: MY BOSS IS A JEWISH CARPENTER

There are awkward moments to be sure but friendship is always larger than any political squabble. Thank you for the prayers for my husband. I'm hoping it turns out to be nothing but whatever it will be, I leave it in God's hands.
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Terry NelsonMay 28, 2011 at 10:50 PM
Prayers for your intentions.
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MannyMay 29, 2011 at 8:19 PM
I thank you for your kindness Joyce. :)
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Mary, Queen of Peace

Ever glorious and blessed Mary, Queen of Virgins, Mother of Mercy, hope and comfort of dejected and desolate souls, through that sword of sorrow which pierced thy tender heart whilst thine only Son, Christ Jesus, our Lord, suffered death and ignominy on the cross; through that filial tenderness and pure love He had for thee, grieving in thy grief, whilst from His cross He recommended thee to the care and protection of His beloved disciple, St. John, take pity, I beseech thee, on my poverty and necessities; have compassion on my anxieties and cares; assist and comfort me in all my infirmities and miseries, of every kind whatsoever. Thou art the Mother of Mercies, the sweet comforter and only refuge of the needy and the orphan, of the desolate and afflicted. Cast, therefore, an eye of pity on a miserable, forlorn child of Eve, and hear my prayer; for since, in just punishment of my sins, I find myself encompassed by a multitude of evils, and oppressed with much anguish of spirit, wither can I fly for more secure shelter, O amiable Mother of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, than under the wings of thy maternal protection? Attend, therefore, I beseech thee, with an ear of pity and compassion, to my humble and earnest request. I ask it, through the bowels of mercy of thy dear Son; Through that love and condescension wherewith He embraced our nature, when, in compliance with the divine Will, thou gavest thy consent, and whom, after the expiration of nine months thou didst bring forth from the chaste enclosure of thy womb, to visit the world, and bless it with His presence. I ask it, through that anguish of mind wherewith thy beloved Son, our dear Saviour, was overwhelmed on the Mount of Olives, when He besought His eternal Father to remove from Him, if possible, the bitter chalice of His future passion. I ask it, through the threefold repetition of His prayers in the garden, whence afterwards, with dolorous steps and mournful tears, thou didst accompany Him to the doleful theatre of His death and sufferings. I ask it, through the welts and bruises of His virginal flesh, occasioned by the cords and whips wherewith He was bound and scourged, when stripped of His seamless garment, for which His executioners afterwards cast lots. I ask it, through the scoffs and ignominies by which He was insulted; the false accusations and unjust sentence by which He was condemned to death, and which He bore with heavenly patience. I ask it, through His bitter tears and bloody sweat; His silence and resignation; His sadness and grief of heart. I ask it, through the blood which trickled from His royal and Sacred Head, when struck with the sceptre of a reed and pierced with His crown of thorns. I ask it, through the excruciating torments He suffered, when His hands and feet were fastened with gross nails to the tree of the cross. I ask it, through His vehement thirst, and bitter potion of vinegar and gall. I ask it, through His dereliction on the cross when He exclaimed, "My God! my God! why hast Thou forsaken me?" I ask it, through His mercy extended to the good thief, and through His recommending His precious soul and spirit into the hands of His eternal Father before He expired, saying, "It is consummated." I ask it, through the blood mixed with water, which issued from His Sacred Side when pierced with a lance, and whence a flood of grace and mercy has flowed to us. I ask it, through His immaculate life, bitter passion and ignominious death on the cross, at which nature itself was thrown into convulsions, by the bursting of rocks, rending of the veil of the Temple, the earthquake, and the darkness of the sun and moon. I ask it, through His descent into hell, where He confronted the Saints of the old law with His presence, and led the captivity captive. I ask it, through His glorious victory over death, when He arose again to life on the third day, and through the joy which His appearance for forty days after gave thee, His blessed Mother, His Apostles, and the rest of His Disciples; when in thine and their presence He miraculously ascended into heaven. I ask it, through the grace of the Holy Spirit, infused into the hearts of His Disciples, when He descended upon them in the form of fiery tongues, and by which they were inspired with zeal in the conversion of the world, when they went to preach the gospel. I ask it, through the awful appearance of thy Son, at the last dreadful day, when He shall come to judge the living and the dead, and the world, by fire. I ask it, through the compassion He bore thee in His life, and the unspeakable joy thou didst feel at thine assumption into heaven, where thou art eternally absorbed in the sweet contemplation of His divine perfections. O glorious and ever blessed Virgin! comfort the heart of thy supplicant, by obtaining for me, (Mention your prayer intention here...) And as I am persuaded my Divine Saviour doth honour thee as His beloved Mother, to whom He refuses nothing, because thou asketh nothing contrary to His honour, so let me speedily experience the efficacy of thy powerful intercession, according to the tenderness of thy maternal affection, and His filial loving heart, who mercifully granteth the requests and complieth with the desires of those that love and fear Him. Wherefore, O most blessed Virgin, beside the object of my present petition, and whatever else I may stand in need of, obtain for me also of thy dear Son, our Lord and our God, a lively faith, firm hope, perfect charity, true contrition of heart, unfeigned tears of compunction, sincere confession, condign satisfaction, abstinence from sin, love of God and my neighbour, contempt of the world, patience to suffer affronts and ignominies, nay, even, if necessary, an opprobrious death itself, for love of thy Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ. Obtain likewise for me, O sacred Mother of God, perseverance in good works, performance of good resolutions, mortification of self-will, a pious conversation through life, and, at my last moments, strong and sincere repentance, accompanied by such a lively and attentive presence of mind, as may enable me to receive the last Sacrament of the Church worthily, and die in thy friendship and favour. Lastly, obtain through thy Son, I beseech thee, for the souls of my parents, brethren, relatives and benefactors, both living and dead, life everlasting, from the only Giver of every good and perfect gift, the Lord God Almighty, to Whom be all power now and forever. Amen.

Prayer of St. Bonaventure

Pierce, O most sweet Lord Jesus, my inmost soul with the most joyous and healthful wound of Thy love, and with true, calm and most holy apostolic charity, that my soul may ever languish and melt with entire love and longing for Thee, may yearn for Thee and for thy courts, may long to be dissolved and to be with Thee.
Grant that my soul may hunger after Thee, the Bread of Angels, the refreshment of holy souls, our daily and super substantial bread, having all sweetness and savor and every delightful taste.
May my heart ever hunger after and feed upon Thee, Whom the angels desire to look upon, and may my inmost soul be filled with the sweetness of Thy savor; may it ever thirst for Thee, the fountain of life, the fountain of wisdom and knowledge, the fountain of eternal light, the torrent of pleasure, the fullness of the house of God;
may it ever compass Thee, seek Thee, find Thee, run to Thee, come up to Thee, meditate on Thee, speak of Thee, and do all for the praise and glory of Thy name, with humility and discretion, with love and delight, with ease and affection, with perseverance to the end; and be Thou alone ever my hope, my entire confidence, my riches, my delight, my pleasure, my joy, my rest and tranquility, my peace, my sweetness, my food, my refreshment, my refuge, my help, my wisdom, my portion, my possession, my treasure; in Whom may my mind and my heart be ever fixed and firm and rooted immovably. Amen.

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God Bless You!

The Unprofitable Servant

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Time to Lay the Axe to the Root

10 comments:

Mary, Queen of Peace

St Michael the Archangel

St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi

St. Teresa Benedicta of The Cross