Saturday, April 19, 2014

The Wait

For logistical purposes to which I am not privy, our Easter Vigil is scheduled to start in a few hours.  Thus some of my Holy Saturday rituals have been omitted or abbreviated.  I do not go shopping on Good Friday and since my Holy Thursday  ( except for evening) was taken up with caring for 2 post-op teenagers, that left today for procuring the leg of lamb for tomorrow's dinner. 

I also decided to visit the cemetery yesterday between the hours of Noon and 3 instead of today.  Truth be told, I visit the cemetery as an act of charity toward my mother.  If means a lot to her that someone else visits her mother's grave and so I have taken to doing this the last several years. I must admit it is a ritual I love. 

I decided not bring anything to place on the grave. The departed do not need garlands and bouquets that wither and die.  They need our prayers and sacrifices so I decided to pray the Rosary at the gravesite.  My grandmother was a woman who not only carried her own cross but several others as well. When the time came for her to get on her cross and be crucified with Christ, she did it without ever uttering a word of complaint. I don't know where her soul resides but I worry far less about hers than I do about other deceased family members.  This includes her husband, my grandfather that I never knew. 

I love walking through the cemetery and studying the monuments of hope depicting The Lord, His holy Mother and the angels and saints. But it was Good Friday so I didn't didn't indulge. A horrible thought came to me last night before I went to bed. How many of the souls buried there beneath those glorious monuments will actually make it to Heaven?  I offer every single Mass every single day for the souls in Purgatory. Someday, God-willing, they will return the favor. 

It isn't easy to enter the narrow gate because it isn't meant to be. And the only means of entrance is Christ, Who gives us everything we need but do not deserve, to make things right with Him.  This means so much that He asked for a Feast celebrating His Mercy that gives even the stragglers a fighting chance to make it to Heaven.  

Yesterday, I attended liturgies in two separate rites. In the morning I was with the Maronites for the Signing of the Chalice and the afternoon was spent at my TLM home.  I was fading just a bit towards the end of the latter and it occurred to me that nowhere in any Gospel passage is Christ heard asking: how much longer do I have to hang on this cross?  When is this torment going to end.  I wish to love Him so much that I might never again be heard complaining about anything, whether it's my job or my co-workers or life in general. I wish to love Him so much that I will gladly forego any pleasure or endure any hardship for Him and souls. I'm not there yet. 

It wasn't so long ago that I belonged to the ranks of the lukewarm, the souls that pain Him most of all. It's good that I never lose sight of this because it helps to staunch the bleeding of graces that occurs with the judgment of others. 

After a Lent I have loved but not deserved, I am now reconciled to the fact that its over and that it is a good thing that it is.  It is nearly time to meet the Risen Christ in His sacrament of love. 

We adore You, o Christ, and we bless You,  because by Your Holy Cross and Glorious Resurrection,  You have set us free.  May we never be separated from You. 

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