The Unprofitable Servant: Through the Ringer

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Through the Ringer

Yesterday, I received an answer to my latest mid-life crisis prayer, and it was answered as I'd hoped. This left the difficult task of letting my boss know I would be leaving. I was not prepared for the reaction I got. She cried, as did her second-in-command. Suffice it to say I felt horrible, like the worst person in the world. I kept hearing what a great job I do. I don't happen to think so, but I also recognize I have a problem realizing my own worth, so I just let it go and accepted the compliment. I haven't been able to sleep all week, indigestion is now my middle name, and if I don't stop popping Tums, I'll have a kidney stone again in no time.

The director of Human Resources called me later in the day because he wanted to talk, and he sensed I would not be able to level with my boss as much as I would with him. He said something very nice and extremely helpful. Rather than try to guilt me into staying, he said he wanted me to leave with a sense of accomplishment because I'd been able to do things in 6 months that were previously thought of as untouchable topics. He wanted me to know he was going to do everything possible to see to it that my successor would build on what I started. I have worked with this gentlemen on some very difficult issues since I took this job and I have the utmost respect for him. I feel confident it's mutual.

I was urged to take a few days off to think this over. At first I resisted, and then I agreed it was a good idea. It won't change my mind, but it will give the news some time to settle in. What I feel worst of all about is that someone is going to lose their job. I did all I could to bring them into conformity with the rules, but in the end, she had one too many run-ins with the other nurse managers and supervisors and my attempts to put the fear of God into her have amounted to little. This person is on a downward spiral of self-destruction. As a Christian and a Catholic, I know I didn't pray enough for her and spent too much time complaining about her and listening to complaints from others. Had anyone been minding the shop before I took this job, it would have been abundantly clear that she was unfit for the job she was in and would never have been promoted, but I felt I had a duty to act on behalf of the other employees who had so many issues with her. I could not in good conscience continue to listen to complaints and not act on them. In the end, the decision was made not by anything I said or did but by this employee's actions alone. Her latest escapade made its way to the ears of the executive administrators before I even knew the full story and there was nothing I could do at that point to protect her. She is oblivious to her own bad behavior.

Now, I have to hastily make some vacation arrangements and get the family to agree on our get away destination. I will start my new job, God-willing, in a few weeks. I hope I can give my mind a good rest before then. I look forward to being reunited with my favorite boss of all time and joining a really strong team with wonderful leadership at the top. Of course, it's not going to be easy. There's a world of difference between getting to a church in South Philly by 6:30am and getting to one 35 miles away at that hour. But what would be the sacrifice for so great a privilege, to work in a building never very far away from the Blessed Sacrament, and where Mass is celebrated twice a day, if the hospital was around the corner from my house? I don't consider this too much for the opportunity I've been given. I pray I make the most of it. I never feel like I have very much energy these days and it amazes me that I get anything at all accomplished.

It's not easy, because it's not supposed to be.

"My yoke is easy and My burden is light".

Only with Your help, Dear Lord.

8 comments:

Kathy Felsted UsherJuly 14, 2011 at 8:32 PM
I hope you will have a nice relaxing time on your break and congratulations on the new position.
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KellyJuly 14, 2011 at 8:32 PM
Joyce, I will most certainly remember you in my prayer, as I hope you will me. Tomorrow I sign on the dotted line for court reporting school, and God has not dropped any further wisdom on me, so here I go!
Isn't it funny how we're never finished growing and being challenged?
Hope you have a wonderful vacation!
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CarolineJuly 14, 2011 at 8:41 PM
Oh God ... come to her assistance..Oh Lord make haste to help her.
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AllisonJuly 14, 2011 at 9:13 PM
God bless your vacation and your new job.
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MannyJuly 14, 2011 at 9:32 PM
It's an honor to be wanted. You obviously do good work. Blessings to you in your new job. Sounds like a great fit.
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PatriciaJuly 15, 2011 at 12:19 AM
Congratulations, Joyce!

You are such a compassionate and caring person that you could never just walk away without feeling the pain of others affected by your decision. But everything will settle down eventually.

You are in my prayers. I envy you -- spending your days under the same roof where Jesus dwells in the Most Blessed Sacrament. What a consolation that will be for you!

Enjoy your time away from work. And may you soon be at peace about all of this.

God bless you!
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TLWJuly 15, 2011 at 9:59 AM
Thank you all for the kind comments. I can't take any credit for the work I do. All day long it seems I'm thinking: "Dear Jesus, help me out of this one" and He always does, in one way or another. I will be around this coming week, but the following week is when I'm hoping to get away. I wanted to do the mountains, but the kids want the shore, so the shore it will be provided I can find something on such short notice. Because I'm going on that pilgrimage to Rome in September, I especially wanted the kids to have a vacation this year. We had a few days planned later in August but that had to change because of the job switch. I wouldn't feel right about going on a trip for myself and not letting them have a little get-away themselves. Well, my mind is very tired, so I may not have anything to post today, which is just well. I can spend some time with the Lord. God Bless you all!
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AnonymousJuly 16, 2011 at 3:50 PM
How wonderful for you, Joyce! Congratulations. It is always wonderful to start anew, isn't it? And, perhaps you will find peace at Mass in the hospital chapel.
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Mary, Queen of Peace

Ever glorious and blessed Mary, Queen of Virgins, Mother of Mercy, hope and comfort of dejected and desolate souls, through that sword of sorrow which pierced thy tender heart whilst thine only Son, Christ Jesus, our Lord, suffered death and ignominy on the cross; through that filial tenderness and pure love He had for thee, grieving in thy grief, whilst from His cross He recommended thee to the care and protection of His beloved disciple, St. John, take pity, I beseech thee, on my poverty and necessities; have compassion on my anxieties and cares; assist and comfort me in all my infirmities and miseries, of every kind whatsoever. Thou art the Mother of Mercies, the sweet comforter and only refuge of the needy and the orphan, of the desolate and afflicted. Cast, therefore, an eye of pity on a miserable, forlorn child of Eve, and hear my prayer; for since, in just punishment of my sins, I find myself encompassed by a multitude of evils, and oppressed with much anguish of spirit, wither can I fly for more secure shelter, O amiable Mother of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, than under the wings of thy maternal protection? Attend, therefore, I beseech thee, with an ear of pity and compassion, to my humble and earnest request. I ask it, through the bowels of mercy of thy dear Son; Through that love and condescension wherewith He embraced our nature, when, in compliance with the divine Will, thou gavest thy consent, and whom, after the expiration of nine months thou didst bring forth from the chaste enclosure of thy womb, to visit the world, and bless it with His presence. I ask it, through that anguish of mind wherewith thy beloved Son, our dear Saviour, was overwhelmed on the Mount of Olives, when He besought His eternal Father to remove from Him, if possible, the bitter chalice of His future passion. I ask it, through the threefold repetition of His prayers in the garden, whence afterwards, with dolorous steps and mournful tears, thou didst accompany Him to the doleful theatre of His death and sufferings. I ask it, through the welts and bruises of His virginal flesh, occasioned by the cords and whips wherewith He was bound and scourged, when stripped of His seamless garment, for which His executioners afterwards cast lots. I ask it, through the scoffs and ignominies by which He was insulted; the false accusations and unjust sentence by which He was condemned to death, and which He bore with heavenly patience. I ask it, through His bitter tears and bloody sweat; His silence and resignation; His sadness and grief of heart. I ask it, through the blood which trickled from His royal and Sacred Head, when struck with the sceptre of a reed and pierced with His crown of thorns. I ask it, through the excruciating torments He suffered, when His hands and feet were fastened with gross nails to the tree of the cross. I ask it, through His vehement thirst, and bitter potion of vinegar and gall. I ask it, through His dereliction on the cross when He exclaimed, "My God! my God! why hast Thou forsaken me?" I ask it, through His mercy extended to the good thief, and through His recommending His precious soul and spirit into the hands of His eternal Father before He expired, saying, "It is consummated." I ask it, through the blood mixed with water, which issued from His Sacred Side when pierced with a lance, and whence a flood of grace and mercy has flowed to us. I ask it, through His immaculate life, bitter passion and ignominious death on the cross, at which nature itself was thrown into convulsions, by the bursting of rocks, rending of the veil of the Temple, the earthquake, and the darkness of the sun and moon. I ask it, through His descent into hell, where He confronted the Saints of the old law with His presence, and led the captivity captive. I ask it, through His glorious victory over death, when He arose again to life on the third day, and through the joy which His appearance for forty days after gave thee, His blessed Mother, His Apostles, and the rest of His Disciples; when in thine and their presence He miraculously ascended into heaven. I ask it, through the grace of the Holy Spirit, infused into the hearts of His Disciples, when He descended upon them in the form of fiery tongues, and by which they were inspired with zeal in the conversion of the world, when they went to preach the gospel. I ask it, through the awful appearance of thy Son, at the last dreadful day, when He shall come to judge the living and the dead, and the world, by fire. I ask it, through the compassion He bore thee in His life, and the unspeakable joy thou didst feel at thine assumption into heaven, where thou art eternally absorbed in the sweet contemplation of His divine perfections. O glorious and ever blessed Virgin! comfort the heart of thy supplicant, by obtaining for me, (Mention your prayer intention here...) And as I am persuaded my Divine Saviour doth honour thee as His beloved Mother, to whom He refuses nothing, because thou asketh nothing contrary to His honour, so let me speedily experience the efficacy of thy powerful intercession, according to the tenderness of thy maternal affection, and His filial loving heart, who mercifully granteth the requests and complieth with the desires of those that love and fear Him. Wherefore, O most blessed Virgin, beside the object of my present petition, and whatever else I may stand in need of, obtain for me also of thy dear Son, our Lord and our God, a lively faith, firm hope, perfect charity, true contrition of heart, unfeigned tears of compunction, sincere confession, condign satisfaction, abstinence from sin, love of God and my neighbour, contempt of the world, patience to suffer affronts and ignominies, nay, even, if necessary, an opprobrious death itself, for love of thy Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ. Obtain likewise for me, O sacred Mother of God, perseverance in good works, performance of good resolutions, mortification of self-will, a pious conversation through life, and, at my last moments, strong and sincere repentance, accompanied by such a lively and attentive presence of mind, as may enable me to receive the last Sacrament of the Church worthily, and die in thy friendship and favour. Lastly, obtain through thy Son, I beseech thee, for the souls of my parents, brethren, relatives and benefactors, both living and dead, life everlasting, from the only Giver of every good and perfect gift, the Lord God Almighty, to Whom be all power now and forever. Amen.

Prayer of St. Bonaventure

Pierce, O most sweet Lord Jesus, my inmost soul with the most joyous and healthful wound of Thy love, and with true, calm and most holy apostolic charity, that my soul may ever languish and melt with entire love and longing for Thee, may yearn for Thee and for thy courts, may long to be dissolved and to be with Thee.
Grant that my soul may hunger after Thee, the Bread of Angels, the refreshment of holy souls, our daily and super substantial bread, having all sweetness and savor and every delightful taste.
May my heart ever hunger after and feed upon Thee, Whom the angels desire to look upon, and may my inmost soul be filled with the sweetness of Thy savor; may it ever thirst for Thee, the fountain of life, the fountain of wisdom and knowledge, the fountain of eternal light, the torrent of pleasure, the fullness of the house of God;
may it ever compass Thee, seek Thee, find Thee, run to Thee, come up to Thee, meditate on Thee, speak of Thee, and do all for the praise and glory of Thy name, with humility and discretion, with love and delight, with ease and affection, with perseverance to the end; and be Thou alone ever my hope, my entire confidence, my riches, my delight, my pleasure, my joy, my rest and tranquility, my peace, my sweetness, my food, my refreshment, my refuge, my help, my wisdom, my portion, my possession, my treasure; in Whom may my mind and my heart be ever fixed and firm and rooted immovably. Amen.

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God Bless You!

The Unprofitable Servant

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Through the Ringer

8 comments:

Mary, Queen of Peace

St Michael the Archangel

St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi

St. Teresa Benedicta of The Cross