Yesterday, I received an answer to my latest mid-life crisis prayer, and it was answered as I'd hoped. This left the difficult task of letting my boss know I would be leaving. I was not prepared for the reaction I got. She cried, as did her second-in-command. Suffice it to say I felt horrible, like the worst person in the world. I kept hearing what a great job I do. I don't happen to think so, but I also recognize I have a problem realizing my own worth, so I just let it go and accepted the compliment. I haven't been able to sleep all week, indigestion is now my middle name, and if I don't stop popping Tums, I'll have a kidney stone again in no time.
The director of Human Resources called me later in the day because he wanted to talk, and he sensed I would not be able to level with my boss as much as I would with him. He said something very nice and extremely helpful. Rather than try to guilt me into staying, he said he wanted me to leave with a sense of accomplishment because I'd been able to do things in 6 months that were previously thought of as untouchable topics. He wanted me to know he was going to do everything possible to see to it that my successor would build on what I started. I have worked with this gentlemen on some very difficult issues since I took this job and I have the utmost respect for him. I feel confident it's mutual.
I was urged to take a few days off to think this over. At first I resisted, and then I agreed it was a good idea. It won't change my mind, but it will give the news some time to settle in. What I feel worst of all about is that someone is going to lose their job. I did all I could to bring them into conformity with the rules, but in the end, she had one too many run-ins with the other nurse managers and supervisors and my attempts to put the fear of God into her have amounted to little. This person is on a downward spiral of self-destruction. As a Christian and a Catholic, I know I didn't pray enough for her and spent too much time complaining about her and listening to complaints from others. Had anyone been minding the shop before I took this job, it would have been abundantly clear that she was unfit for the job she was in and would never have been promoted, but I felt I had a duty to act on behalf of the other employees who had so many issues with her. I could not in good conscience continue to listen to complaints and not act on them. In the end, the decision was made not by anything I said or did but by this employee's actions alone. Her latest escapade made its way to the ears of the executive administrators before I even knew the full story and there was nothing I could do at that point to protect her. She is oblivious to her own bad behavior.
Now, I have to hastily make some vacation arrangements and get the family to agree on our get away destination. I will start my new job, God-willing, in a few weeks. I hope I can give my mind a good rest before then. I look forward to being reunited with my favorite boss of all time and joining a really strong team with wonderful leadership at the top. Of course, it's not going to be easy. There's a world of difference between getting to a church in South Philly by 6:30am and getting to one 35 miles away at that hour. But what would be the sacrifice for so great a privilege, to work in a building never very far away from the Blessed Sacrament, and where Mass is celebrated twice a day, if the hospital was around the corner from my house? I don't consider this too much for the opportunity I've been given. I pray I make the most of it. I never feel like I have very much energy these days and it amazes me that I get anything at all accomplished.
It's not easy, because it's not supposed to be.
"My yoke is easy and My burden is light".
Only with Your help, Dear Lord.