I missed three days of work this week due to illness which I am sure my own disposition and anxiety helped to bring on. I won't bore you with the details but I have been leaning on the Lord a lot lately. I know He doesn't mind, but I can't help but think of St. Therese who asked her novices if they "would be as the mediocre souls" who, instead of seeking to console Our Lord, sought His consolation instead.
It occurred to me while praying the novena to the Sacred Heart this morning how much life is like Holy Week, at various points.
We have our Passion Sunday, where people smile to our faces and heap praises upon us, almost lulling us into a false sense of security. Just as surely as there is a tomorrow, you can bet that very soon, they'll be trying to nail you to a cross.
Then we go through our passions, which don't amount to a drop in a bucket when compared to what Our Lord endured for us. Here is where the great mystery of the Passion of Jesus Christ strikes me with awe: He didn't have to go through any of what He did, but He chose to do so so that reparation could be made for our sins.
So, He suffered once and for all to conquer sin and death, and I keep going to Him to ask Him to help me carry a load I created of my own free will?
And so we endure our trials and even our mini-passions and then a day of Resurrection happens, where we find solace in prayer and in receiving Jesus in the Eucharist and all seems right with the world, until our personal palm Sunday comes around again and the cycle begins anew.
I was going to complain to Jesus about a betrayal that happened to me in my workplace that has been weighing heavily on me. Then I stopped myself. How do you complain to the Divine Master about some trifle when one of His own disciples betrayed Him with a kiss and 30 coins?
Judas ate with the Lord, journeyed with Him, bore personal witness to the miracles He performed and still, when offered a reward, turned His back on Him and handed Him over to his executors.
I pray and pray and pray for the Lord to give me the grace to endure all suffering gladly for Him and on behalf of sinners and the Holy Souls in Purgatory and then, when He does, I become a weakling and beg for help.
God give me the grace necessary that I may never be as Judas to Your Divine Son.