I have a most wonderful mother. If I were to list all that she does for me, I'd run out breath before the list was complete. She's a very selfless and devoted person. However, at the time in my life when I needed her most, she wanted no part of me. It's why I'm so thrilled that Rebecca loves to be around me and why it's so important for me to be there for her.I sometimes wonder if I would have taken some of the wrong turns I did had I gotten a little bit of direction.
I have been thinking about this a bit lately as my youngest grows in years and wisdom. I feel she is cut from a different cloth than most girls her age and I want to do all I can to foster the goodness and holiness that I see in her. I sometimes wonder why I took the path I did and it's difficult not to think what direction I might have taken had I gotten a little guidance when I most needed it.
On the other hand, I think if I had done all the right things with Caitlin, she might be on a different path right now than the experimental route she has chosen to take. So who am I to question my mother?
Log, meet eye.
It is a wonder of God's love that He would give me this child and the opportunity to get things right. My life went where it did and now it's time to help my children get theirs where they need to be. It would be easy to blame my mother for the bad choices I made as a teenager but the truth is that I am responsible for those choices and while my mother might have been able to save me from some of the pits into which I fell, there is only so much any parent can do. And yet as parents, we're compelled to do all we can.
In a way, God has given me a second chance. Sometimes I feel like He's saying: "You didn't exactly get it right for yourself, so I have given you this child so you can figure out for yourself what you should have done, without blaming anyone else for your failures."
In a way, He gave my mother a second chance, too. Grandchildren, as one comedian used to joke, are God's way of letting grandparents earn their way into Heaven. I don't know of a more devoted one than she is.