The Unprofitable Servant: A Vision Meant to Discourage, or to Encourage Introspection?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A Vision Meant to Discourage, or to Encourage Introspection?

Dreams, I have found, can often recall an event that we do not remember exactly as it happened. Or dreams can pose a question to us that we were not even aware we had on our minds. Dreams can be of value in the sense that they can sometimes jog a lagging memory or bring something to the forefront that we hadn't previously considered.

Last night, I had the kind of dream I could not wait to awaken from. This dream had one purpose, which tells me it wasn't sent by God. It was meant to strike fear and despair into my soul.

In this dream, I was in a room that resembled a dark cellar, and a woman dressed as one might expect the Blessed Virgin Mary to appear was sitting at a desk, reviewing my papers. In so many words, she told me what a disappointment I'd been and that my only chance of ever reaching Heaven was to spend the rest of the time left to the world in Purgatory. She pointed to a darkened room from which I could hear much moaning and wailing.

"But how long will I have to stay?" I cried.

"It will seem like forever and it very well might be."

I remembered what my priest had once told me, that when we pray for a soul in Purgatory, Our Lord goes to that soul to let them know they are being remembered and by whom. I asked the woman if Jesus would visit me to let me know if anyone was praying for my release.

"No" came the cold reply.

I asked why, and the woman told me very matter of factly that I'd been a huge disappointment. I listed all of the things I had done in life that I thought demonstrated my love for God and she shook her head.

"What makes you think you'd go to Heaven for any of those things?", and she banished me to what I can only assume was Purgatory. And as I entered the darkness, I was convinced I would never see God, and I wondered to myself why I had been lead to believe that every Mass, every Rosary or sacrifice would ever amount to anything in the life to come.

I cannot describe the feeling of despair that set in, which is how I know this was not from God. Such doubt could only be the work of the devil, or so I thought.

The dark night of the soul is something sent by God. This was not a dark night of the soul. This darkness was meant to destroy a soul, to have it say "why bother anymore, there is no chance of Heaven, so I might as well do as I please."

I was never so happy to awaken as I was from this weighty scene. And the more I thought about it today, the more it occurred to me that perhaps it did have some value after all. Why do I do what I do? And how does it compare to why the saints did what they did? Perhaps God had a hand in this after all?

St. Therese did what she did purely out of love for God and her burning desire to do whatever would please Him, without any sensual (meaning felt) benefit to herself. Why do I do what I do? Sure, I can say it's because I love God, but is that purely the reason? Isn't the reason I do what little I do to be able to see God face to face someday? And isn't that a symptom of self-love?

It further occurred to me that if I loved Him as I should, I would give no thought to what my sacrifices will earn me in the world to come. And I would do anything He asked without hesitation. Only then will I have separated from myself and formed a perfect union with Him.

4 comments:

AnonymousOctober 19, 2011 at 8:10 PM
Joyce...I just read something that reminded me too of the suffering souls in Purgatory and how important it is to pray for them. How providential to read this.

What a disturbing dream!

Wanting to see God face to face...it IS because we love Him so much and want to be with Him eternally. As long as we do the things we do for His glory only and to please Him no matter what we get out of it or how it makes us feel. I remember St. Therese saying that even if God had no knowledge of her good deeds, she would still do them out of love for Him...powerful!~Theresa
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PatriciaOctober 19, 2011 at 11:11 PM
Joyce, what an interesting dream! I agree with your initial impression...that it wasn't from God. God may correct or reprove us, but always with love, and never leading to despair, discouragement, rejection, etc.

And, all the Saints were literally dying to see Him and be with Him. How could we love Him without longing for that union...and does His Heart not thrill when He sees this desire within us? We yearn to see our Beloved.

The other day I heard that "Joy is the infallible sign of God's Presence." And I believe that.

Therese never got discouraged, even when she saw her faults. She knew that God is only disappointed when we stop trying, and trusting in His Infinite Love.

You must be making great progress for the "other side" to resort to staging such a depressing, discouraging dream.

So, carry on! : )
Patricia
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noreenOctober 20, 2011 at 12:42 PM
Wow Joyce, that dream would have rattled me for sure. You're right though, it did not come from God. It was certainly trying to pull you from believing you'd ever have eternal salvation. I hope last night's dreams were much more pleasant!
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TLWOctober 20, 2011 at 7:31 PM
Theresa, yes I remember she said she wished she could do good deed anonymously so He would not feel bound to repay her.

Patricia, I read a quote from St. Teresa of Avila the other day. "I don't fear the devil, I fear people who do." How true. And it's not the externally gruesome details of the evil one we should most be repulsed by but the damage he wishes to do to our souls.

Thanks Noreen, last night was much better!

Joyce
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Mary, Queen of Peace

Ever glorious and blessed Mary, Queen of Virgins, Mother of Mercy, hope and comfort of dejected and desolate souls, through that sword of sorrow which pierced thy tender heart whilst thine only Son, Christ Jesus, our Lord, suffered death and ignominy on the cross; through that filial tenderness and pure love He had for thee, grieving in thy grief, whilst from His cross He recommended thee to the care and protection of His beloved disciple, St. John, take pity, I beseech thee, on my poverty and necessities; have compassion on my anxieties and cares; assist and comfort me in all my infirmities and miseries, of every kind whatsoever. Thou art the Mother of Mercies, the sweet comforter and only refuge of the needy and the orphan, of the desolate and afflicted. Cast, therefore, an eye of pity on a miserable, forlorn child of Eve, and hear my prayer; for since, in just punishment of my sins, I find myself encompassed by a multitude of evils, and oppressed with much anguish of spirit, wither can I fly for more secure shelter, O amiable Mother of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, than under the wings of thy maternal protection? Attend, therefore, I beseech thee, with an ear of pity and compassion, to my humble and earnest request. I ask it, through the bowels of mercy of thy dear Son; Through that love and condescension wherewith He embraced our nature, when, in compliance with the divine Will, thou gavest thy consent, and whom, after the expiration of nine months thou didst bring forth from the chaste enclosure of thy womb, to visit the world, and bless it with His presence. I ask it, through that anguish of mind wherewith thy beloved Son, our dear Saviour, was overwhelmed on the Mount of Olives, when He besought His eternal Father to remove from Him, if possible, the bitter chalice of His future passion. I ask it, through the threefold repetition of His prayers in the garden, whence afterwards, with dolorous steps and mournful tears, thou didst accompany Him to the doleful theatre of His death and sufferings. I ask it, through the welts and bruises of His virginal flesh, occasioned by the cords and whips wherewith He was bound and scourged, when stripped of His seamless garment, for which His executioners afterwards cast lots. I ask it, through the scoffs and ignominies by which He was insulted; the false accusations and unjust sentence by which He was condemned to death, and which He bore with heavenly patience. I ask it, through His bitter tears and bloody sweat; His silence and resignation; His sadness and grief of heart. I ask it, through the blood which trickled from His royal and Sacred Head, when struck with the sceptre of a reed and pierced with His crown of thorns. I ask it, through the excruciating torments He suffered, when His hands and feet were fastened with gross nails to the tree of the cross. I ask it, through His vehement thirst, and bitter potion of vinegar and gall. I ask it, through His dereliction on the cross when He exclaimed, "My God! my God! why hast Thou forsaken me?" I ask it, through His mercy extended to the good thief, and through His recommending His precious soul and spirit into the hands of His eternal Father before He expired, saying, "It is consummated." I ask it, through the blood mixed with water, which issued from His Sacred Side when pierced with a lance, and whence a flood of grace and mercy has flowed to us. I ask it, through His immaculate life, bitter passion and ignominious death on the cross, at which nature itself was thrown into convulsions, by the bursting of rocks, rending of the veil of the Temple, the earthquake, and the darkness of the sun and moon. I ask it, through His descent into hell, where He confronted the Saints of the old law with His presence, and led the captivity captive. I ask it, through His glorious victory over death, when He arose again to life on the third day, and through the joy which His appearance for forty days after gave thee, His blessed Mother, His Apostles, and the rest of His Disciples; when in thine and their presence He miraculously ascended into heaven. I ask it, through the grace of the Holy Spirit, infused into the hearts of His Disciples, when He descended upon them in the form of fiery tongues, and by which they were inspired with zeal in the conversion of the world, when they went to preach the gospel. I ask it, through the awful appearance of thy Son, at the last dreadful day, when He shall come to judge the living and the dead, and the world, by fire. I ask it, through the compassion He bore thee in His life, and the unspeakable joy thou didst feel at thine assumption into heaven, where thou art eternally absorbed in the sweet contemplation of His divine perfections. O glorious and ever blessed Virgin! comfort the heart of thy supplicant, by obtaining for me, (Mention your prayer intention here...) And as I am persuaded my Divine Saviour doth honour thee as His beloved Mother, to whom He refuses nothing, because thou asketh nothing contrary to His honour, so let me speedily experience the efficacy of thy powerful intercession, according to the tenderness of thy maternal affection, and His filial loving heart, who mercifully granteth the requests and complieth with the desires of those that love and fear Him. Wherefore, O most blessed Virgin, beside the object of my present petition, and whatever else I may stand in need of, obtain for me also of thy dear Son, our Lord and our God, a lively faith, firm hope, perfect charity, true contrition of heart, unfeigned tears of compunction, sincere confession, condign satisfaction, abstinence from sin, love of God and my neighbour, contempt of the world, patience to suffer affronts and ignominies, nay, even, if necessary, an opprobrious death itself, for love of thy Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ. Obtain likewise for me, O sacred Mother of God, perseverance in good works, performance of good resolutions, mortification of self-will, a pious conversation through life, and, at my last moments, strong and sincere repentance, accompanied by such a lively and attentive presence of mind, as may enable me to receive the last Sacrament of the Church worthily, and die in thy friendship and favour. Lastly, obtain through thy Son, I beseech thee, for the souls of my parents, brethren, relatives and benefactors, both living and dead, life everlasting, from the only Giver of every good and perfect gift, the Lord God Almighty, to Whom be all power now and forever. Amen.

Prayer of St. Bonaventure

Pierce, O most sweet Lord Jesus, my inmost soul with the most joyous and healthful wound of Thy love, and with true, calm and most holy apostolic charity, that my soul may ever languish and melt with entire love and longing for Thee, may yearn for Thee and for thy courts, may long to be dissolved and to be with Thee.
Grant that my soul may hunger after Thee, the Bread of Angels, the refreshment of holy souls, our daily and super substantial bread, having all sweetness and savor and every delightful taste.
May my heart ever hunger after and feed upon Thee, Whom the angels desire to look upon, and may my inmost soul be filled with the sweetness of Thy savor; may it ever thirst for Thee, the fountain of life, the fountain of wisdom and knowledge, the fountain of eternal light, the torrent of pleasure, the fullness of the house of God;
may it ever compass Thee, seek Thee, find Thee, run to Thee, come up to Thee, meditate on Thee, speak of Thee, and do all for the praise and glory of Thy name, with humility and discretion, with love and delight, with ease and affection, with perseverance to the end; and be Thou alone ever my hope, my entire confidence, my riches, my delight, my pleasure, my joy, my rest and tranquility, my peace, my sweetness, my food, my refreshment, my refuge, my help, my wisdom, my portion, my possession, my treasure; in Whom may my mind and my heart be ever fixed and firm and rooted immovably. Amen.

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God Bless You!

The Unprofitable Servant

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A Vision Meant to Discourage, or to Encourage Introspection?

4 comments:

Mary, Queen of Peace

St Michael the Archangel

St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi

St. Teresa Benedicta of The Cross