The Unprofitable Servant: Rumors of My Demise

Friday, September 9, 2011

Rumors of My Demise

I was sent home from work early today because I'm told my complexion matched the color of my white lab coat. I was truly grateful for the opportunity to lie down in a cool, dark room to try to ease the throbbing. When I made the observation the other day that the last two feasts of Our Lady were marred for me by a migraine, Patricia suggested that perhaps the headaches were gifts from Mary as small crosses for me to bear. If they were, I squandered them. As grateful as I was for my boss' generosity in allowing me to go home early, I was even more appreciative of the fact that I'd be able to get to confession with the Franciscans a mile or so away. I haven't been to Mass in two days and prayer does not come easily when I'm feeling like this.

I decided to offer the throbbing as a penance and a sacrifice for all those for whom I am praying, especially those in need of conversion.

When I'm in this kind of pain, it is so difficult to think of Jesus and unite my suffering with His. I was thinking that maybe Patricia was on to something, as I was drawn to the sacrament of Confession in a place where Jesus is adored every day in Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. Had I not misbehaved on Mary's birthday and had I not felt so miserable that I didn't make it to Mass two days in a row, I don't know that I would have felt drawn there.

I left the confessional, as I always do, lighter than ever. I considered taking a cab but then opted to walk, especially since the priest gave me such a brief penance. Then I went back to bed, but not before stopping to admire the cage the soon-to-arrive rodents will be calling home. It's quite elaborate and I found it remarkable that Rebecca assembled it herself. She's pretty determined about this whole thing.

Even though my head still aches, I feel like I have been brought back from the dead. In a way, I have, as I was cut off from Christ but am back in His loving embrace. I'm sure the devil was enraged to see me emerge from the confessional today. He'd better get used to it. The Lord will not allow one of His precious lambs, dirty and unkempt as they may be, to fall into enemy hands.

A little while ago, I phoned the woman who organizes the EM's at my parish and informed her I would not be participating in home calls anymore. The pastor is already aware but I told him I would inform the coordinator as well as the communicants that I once called upon. This decision has been coming for a long time but I allowed a misguided sense of guilt to prevent me from acting on it. I do not stand in judgment of anyone who performs this ministry. But if I were a person confined to my home, I don't know that I'd want to subject the Divine Prisoner of Love to being carted around by a woman like the one the other day who couldn't tear herself away from her cell phone on the altar.

Anyone looking at the motley crew that made up the 12 Apostles might surely have asked what the Good Lord could possibly have seen in this rag-tag bunch. I like to think that the imperfections I carry around like so many blemishes crying out for a Clearasil treatment are really tools that He uses at His disposal to effect His Will. He can see what we, as weak imperfect humans, cannot.

Sometimes it's that way on the blogosphere. In the end, I believe with all my heart we're all on the same side, united to defeat a common enemy, out of love for Our Eucharistic Lord.

I promise to do a better job of trying to see others as Our Lord sees them. One thing is for sure - prayer can do what no blog ever can, and in the end, it's our best recourse.

3 comments:

MannySeptember 9, 2011 at 10:11 PM
Feel better. I assume you've tried some of the migraine pills out there. Perhaps there is a prescription drug that might help.

When you do feel better, check my "September 11th Again" blog. It's got a poem on the subject that I wrote a couple of years ago, if you want to see what my poetry is like.

Again feel better.
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KellySeptember 10, 2011 at 9:31 AM
Amen to your post, and my prayers for you in your suffering. I totally empathize with you in y our headaches. Right around the time I was in RCIA (hmm, a blog post is forming here) I was hospitalized for a headache I had that lasted for a constant four months. I had every test in the book, and ended up getting a 3 day drug treatment at the headache clinic at Jefferson hospital. Looking back, I think God was getting my attention, and was not going to back off until He got it. I was in the middle of disentangling myself from my old ways, and it was as if God was "burning" Himself into my thick head. I can say that, though I do get headaches still, I have never had them to the length or degree I did before that point.
The only similarity I am seeing between your headaches and mine, is that God's message is probably in them, but quite a different one. With your Italy trip on the horizon, I might even guess that it is destined to bear lots of good fruit. :)
Prayers and little acts for you :)
Peace,
Kelly
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TLWSeptember 10, 2011 at 10:15 AM
Manny, I will take a look, I always appreciate the reminders to visit when you leave a post.

Unfortunately, to answer both you and Kelly, the medication that does help carries some cardiac risks that my doctor is not willing to take. There is another that helps, but it causes drowsiness, so I can't work when I'm taking it. The weather is not helping, as high humidity and lots of rain seem to trigger these sometimes. I know I complain too much about these, but there are days when they are nearly incapacitating and I feel like I'm wasting so much time. But I remind myself: this, too, shall pass.

Kelly, it occurred to me that perhaps this is also a way of priming me for Italy. After the spiritual doldrums, etc. I will probably be totally bowled over once I get there. It still does not seem real!

Peace
Joyce
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Mary, Queen of Peace

Ever glorious and blessed Mary, Queen of Virgins, Mother of Mercy, hope and comfort of dejected and desolate souls, through that sword of sorrow which pierced thy tender heart whilst thine only Son, Christ Jesus, our Lord, suffered death and ignominy on the cross; through that filial tenderness and pure love He had for thee, grieving in thy grief, whilst from His cross He recommended thee to the care and protection of His beloved disciple, St. John, take pity, I beseech thee, on my poverty and necessities; have compassion on my anxieties and cares; assist and comfort me in all my infirmities and miseries, of every kind whatsoever. Thou art the Mother of Mercies, the sweet comforter and only refuge of the needy and the orphan, of the desolate and afflicted. Cast, therefore, an eye of pity on a miserable, forlorn child of Eve, and hear my prayer; for since, in just punishment of my sins, I find myself encompassed by a multitude of evils, and oppressed with much anguish of spirit, wither can I fly for more secure shelter, O amiable Mother of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, than under the wings of thy maternal protection? Attend, therefore, I beseech thee, with an ear of pity and compassion, to my humble and earnest request. I ask it, through the bowels of mercy of thy dear Son; Through that love and condescension wherewith He embraced our nature, when, in compliance with the divine Will, thou gavest thy consent, and whom, after the expiration of nine months thou didst bring forth from the chaste enclosure of thy womb, to visit the world, and bless it with His presence. I ask it, through that anguish of mind wherewith thy beloved Son, our dear Saviour, was overwhelmed on the Mount of Olives, when He besought His eternal Father to remove from Him, if possible, the bitter chalice of His future passion. I ask it, through the threefold repetition of His prayers in the garden, whence afterwards, with dolorous steps and mournful tears, thou didst accompany Him to the doleful theatre of His death and sufferings. I ask it, through the welts and bruises of His virginal flesh, occasioned by the cords and whips wherewith He was bound and scourged, when stripped of His seamless garment, for which His executioners afterwards cast lots. I ask it, through the scoffs and ignominies by which He was insulted; the false accusations and unjust sentence by which He was condemned to death, and which He bore with heavenly patience. I ask it, through His bitter tears and bloody sweat; His silence and resignation; His sadness and grief of heart. I ask it, through the blood which trickled from His royal and Sacred Head, when struck with the sceptre of a reed and pierced with His crown of thorns. I ask it, through the excruciating torments He suffered, when His hands and feet were fastened with gross nails to the tree of the cross. I ask it, through His vehement thirst, and bitter potion of vinegar and gall. I ask it, through His dereliction on the cross when He exclaimed, "My God! my God! why hast Thou forsaken me?" I ask it, through His mercy extended to the good thief, and through His recommending His precious soul and spirit into the hands of His eternal Father before He expired, saying, "It is consummated." I ask it, through the blood mixed with water, which issued from His Sacred Side when pierced with a lance, and whence a flood of grace and mercy has flowed to us. I ask it, through His immaculate life, bitter passion and ignominious death on the cross, at which nature itself was thrown into convulsions, by the bursting of rocks, rending of the veil of the Temple, the earthquake, and the darkness of the sun and moon. I ask it, through His descent into hell, where He confronted the Saints of the old law with His presence, and led the captivity captive. I ask it, through His glorious victory over death, when He arose again to life on the third day, and through the joy which His appearance for forty days after gave thee, His blessed Mother, His Apostles, and the rest of His Disciples; when in thine and their presence He miraculously ascended into heaven. I ask it, through the grace of the Holy Spirit, infused into the hearts of His Disciples, when He descended upon them in the form of fiery tongues, and by which they were inspired with zeal in the conversion of the world, when they went to preach the gospel. I ask it, through the awful appearance of thy Son, at the last dreadful day, when He shall come to judge the living and the dead, and the world, by fire. I ask it, through the compassion He bore thee in His life, and the unspeakable joy thou didst feel at thine assumption into heaven, where thou art eternally absorbed in the sweet contemplation of His divine perfections. O glorious and ever blessed Virgin! comfort the heart of thy supplicant, by obtaining for me, (Mention your prayer intention here...) And as I am persuaded my Divine Saviour doth honour thee as His beloved Mother, to whom He refuses nothing, because thou asketh nothing contrary to His honour, so let me speedily experience the efficacy of thy powerful intercession, according to the tenderness of thy maternal affection, and His filial loving heart, who mercifully granteth the requests and complieth with the desires of those that love and fear Him. Wherefore, O most blessed Virgin, beside the object of my present petition, and whatever else I may stand in need of, obtain for me also of thy dear Son, our Lord and our God, a lively faith, firm hope, perfect charity, true contrition of heart, unfeigned tears of compunction, sincere confession, condign satisfaction, abstinence from sin, love of God and my neighbour, contempt of the world, patience to suffer affronts and ignominies, nay, even, if necessary, an opprobrious death itself, for love of thy Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ. Obtain likewise for me, O sacred Mother of God, perseverance in good works, performance of good resolutions, mortification of self-will, a pious conversation through life, and, at my last moments, strong and sincere repentance, accompanied by such a lively and attentive presence of mind, as may enable me to receive the last Sacrament of the Church worthily, and die in thy friendship and favour. Lastly, obtain through thy Son, I beseech thee, for the souls of my parents, brethren, relatives and benefactors, both living and dead, life everlasting, from the only Giver of every good and perfect gift, the Lord God Almighty, to Whom be all power now and forever. Amen.

Prayer of St. Bonaventure

Pierce, O most sweet Lord Jesus, my inmost soul with the most joyous and healthful wound of Thy love, and with true, calm and most holy apostolic charity, that my soul may ever languish and melt with entire love and longing for Thee, may yearn for Thee and for thy courts, may long to be dissolved and to be with Thee.
Grant that my soul may hunger after Thee, the Bread of Angels, the refreshment of holy souls, our daily and super substantial bread, having all sweetness and savor and every delightful taste.
May my heart ever hunger after and feed upon Thee, Whom the angels desire to look upon, and may my inmost soul be filled with the sweetness of Thy savor; may it ever thirst for Thee, the fountain of life, the fountain of wisdom and knowledge, the fountain of eternal light, the torrent of pleasure, the fullness of the house of God;
may it ever compass Thee, seek Thee, find Thee, run to Thee, come up to Thee, meditate on Thee, speak of Thee, and do all for the praise and glory of Thy name, with humility and discretion, with love and delight, with ease and affection, with perseverance to the end; and be Thou alone ever my hope, my entire confidence, my riches, my delight, my pleasure, my joy, my rest and tranquility, my peace, my sweetness, my food, my refreshment, my refuge, my help, my wisdom, my portion, my possession, my treasure; in Whom may my mind and my heart be ever fixed and firm and rooted immovably. Amen.

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The Unprofitable Servant

Friday, September 9, 2011

Rumors of My Demise

3 comments:

Mary, Queen of Peace

St Michael the Archangel

St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi

St. Teresa Benedicta of The Cross