The Unprofitable Servant: The Struggle

Friday, January 28, 2011

The Struggle

So, two weeks at the new job have concluded. Every day when I come home, my husband and my kids ask me the exact same thing: "So, what do you think?" I know they are waiting for the other shoe to drop. The OR I came from was run very efficiently (by me, I might add) and I'm accustomed to giving orders and having them followed. I don't mean that I ordered people around; I only mean that when I asked someone to do something, they did it. Here, people have been without a leader for so long, they're accustomed to doing whatever they feel like doing, when they feel like it. So anyone who asks more of them than they're used to giving is viewed with suspicion. I can deal with that.

What I'm finding more difficult is the social aspect that comes with being a director. When the day begins, I want to start it at Mass. When it ends, I want to go home to my family. At the risk of sounding like I live in a cave or a monastery, I really don't. But when I do "socialize", it's more than likely that the occasion centers around my church or my faith. My idea of a fun weekend is going to the Carmelite Monastery for a day of silent recollection. And at Lent, I really live it up and do two retreats; one with the nuns and the other with the priests and seminarians at St. Charles Seminary. On Sunday, we are having a reception in the rectory following the TLM. Although I've always had a bit of a difficult time around strangers or people I don't know well, I manage with this very nicely. I bring food, put on an apron, and wait on people, so the small talk is easier.

At work, there is an expectation that the directors will be good team players and attend every social event held at the hospital or by one of the doctors. Fortunately, I missed the Christmas party, but I won't be able to get out of going to the Spring picnic, the jocs versus the docs softball game, or the barbecue at Dr. H's vacation home. On Fridays, the nurse directors order out for lunch, and then meet and talk and joke around. On Fridays, I try to abstain from meat and eat in a more penitential manner, so I'm going to have to figure out how NOT to draw attention to myself. I prefer to eat at my desk, by myself, and when the weather's nice, go for a walk around the block and sneak in a Chaplet. That's not going to be so easy now. I also have a boss who likes to socialize outside of work, from what I've seen. I can tell it's going to be awkward.

I can't wait til someone asks me what I did over the weekend.

"Well, let's see. I went to Mass, Adoration and Confession on Saturday, followed by making Communion calls to my sick and shut-in parishioners that are assigned to me; and then on Sunday, I made the appetizers for my church's reception, took my son the altar server to his Mass, came home and went to the TLM, and then spent the afternoon at the rectory. Then we went to Vespers."

It's going to be interesting, that's for sure.

6 comments:

KeystoneJanuary 28, 2011 at 9:24 PM
Two weeks into a job today is like three months into a job long ago. You have staying power already.

"people have been without a leader for so long, they're accustomed to doing whatever they feel like doing, when they feel like it."
```The Little Way , Paragraph one

What a beautiful description of folks who have no Christ in their life.

Which brings us to Psalm 37:23 where we find "the steps of the righteous are ordered by God". It seems he has ordained your steps, not for the job to influence you, but for you to continue to be the aroma of Christ for Him, there. YOU are His Ambassador, and He is making His appeal to the lost....through you.

And He has supplied power in your position.
You wield it in His Name, not the other way around, where the job confines you.

And, as in any job, if you stumble, you don't go down for long; God has a grip on your hand.

I wonder what miracle the Saviour plans to work through you in this job? Had any other person been adequate for His task, the job would be theirs. But, a silent Director, who orders organization and flow, precisely as the Creator did in Genesis, is now doing the work of the Creator, on a new job the past two weeks.

We await in anticipation the new songs to emerge. In you....and in them.

God be with ye!
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TLWJanuary 28, 2011 at 10:41 PM
Thank you, Keystone, for your unique perspective and the prose with which you convey it.
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MannyJanuary 28, 2011 at 10:59 PM
Nice blog Joyce. You and Mary-C have become Catholic models for me to strive for. Unfortunately I don't think I can be as holy as either of you.

As to not socializing, let me offer this. I know some if not most social events are trivial, but I find the human contact of such events brings me closer to God. I find that the individual humanity of each person is a marvel. Humanity contains God - the Christ in all of us - and social events are a way to come in contact with God's wonder. Now I admit, I'm a fairly gregarious person. Perhaps such a nature allows me to see that wonder in humanity. I find that a complete monk's life to be overly self centered. Christ's second commandment is to love our neighbors. So all I'm saying is that one should strike a balance between solely focusing on God and solely focusing on society. Christ journey and lived with apostles. Comradery can be a blessed thing. That's just my humble opinion. You have to follow your heart.
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TLWJanuary 29, 2011 at 9:13 AM
Oh, Manny, I'm not holier than anyone else. If you only knew how I struggle. I just try, hard, and I put it out there for others who may find themselves in a similar situation. Remember the litany of humility's plea that others may be holier than me, provided I am as holy as I should be.

I definitely agree with what you say about contact with others at social events. It's a flaw in my make-up that I struggle with. I think it's why I have a vocation as a wife, mother and nurse and not a nun and why I have gregarious children who have lots of friends, etc. It's not easy to avoid contact with others when you have kids.

Blessings
Joyce
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Kathy Felsted UsherJanuary 29, 2011 at 2:02 PM
I don't like to socialize with work friends outside of work either- they are work friends. Ours usually involve happy hours and I never, never drink and drive, so I may attend one if the department all attends but drink soda if I do. Stick to your guns about the Friday lunch. Join them occasionally and just bring your own food. They will get used to it. Really, what can they say if you don't join them outside of work if you are doing spiritual or charitable work? BTW, you are pretty awesome -speaking to your weekend activities. I should do a quarter as much. Maybe you will inspire me.
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TLWJanuary 29, 2011 at 2:50 PM
Kathy
Not that awesome. The social hours at the rectory are only once in awhile. I do try to make time for the other things every weekend, and there are certainly times when family needs demand otherwise. But on the average, I try hard to have part of Saturday and a good part of Sunday revolve around Jesus in the Eucharist. Trust me, it wasn't always like that, but now that it is, I'm out of sorts when that routine gets disrupted. Spiritual exercises are not all that different from physical ones in that I need to keep a steady habit lest I fall off the wagon.
God Bless you
Joyce
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Mary, Queen of Peace

Ever glorious and blessed Mary, Queen of Virgins, Mother of Mercy, hope and comfort of dejected and desolate souls, through that sword of sorrow which pierced thy tender heart whilst thine only Son, Christ Jesus, our Lord, suffered death and ignominy on the cross; through that filial tenderness and pure love He had for thee, grieving in thy grief, whilst from His cross He recommended thee to the care and protection of His beloved disciple, St. John, take pity, I beseech thee, on my poverty and necessities; have compassion on my anxieties and cares; assist and comfort me in all my infirmities and miseries, of every kind whatsoever. Thou art the Mother of Mercies, the sweet comforter and only refuge of the needy and the orphan, of the desolate and afflicted. Cast, therefore, an eye of pity on a miserable, forlorn child of Eve, and hear my prayer; for since, in just punishment of my sins, I find myself encompassed by a multitude of evils, and oppressed with much anguish of spirit, wither can I fly for more secure shelter, O amiable Mother of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, than under the wings of thy maternal protection? Attend, therefore, I beseech thee, with an ear of pity and compassion, to my humble and earnest request. I ask it, through the bowels of mercy of thy dear Son; Through that love and condescension wherewith He embraced our nature, when, in compliance with the divine Will, thou gavest thy consent, and whom, after the expiration of nine months thou didst bring forth from the chaste enclosure of thy womb, to visit the world, and bless it with His presence. I ask it, through that anguish of mind wherewith thy beloved Son, our dear Saviour, was overwhelmed on the Mount of Olives, when He besought His eternal Father to remove from Him, if possible, the bitter chalice of His future passion. I ask it, through the threefold repetition of His prayers in the garden, whence afterwards, with dolorous steps and mournful tears, thou didst accompany Him to the doleful theatre of His death and sufferings. I ask it, through the welts and bruises of His virginal flesh, occasioned by the cords and whips wherewith He was bound and scourged, when stripped of His seamless garment, for which His executioners afterwards cast lots. I ask it, through the scoffs and ignominies by which He was insulted; the false accusations and unjust sentence by which He was condemned to death, and which He bore with heavenly patience. I ask it, through His bitter tears and bloody sweat; His silence and resignation; His sadness and grief of heart. I ask it, through the blood which trickled from His royal and Sacred Head, when struck with the sceptre of a reed and pierced with His crown of thorns. I ask it, through the excruciating torments He suffered, when His hands and feet were fastened with gross nails to the tree of the cross. I ask it, through His vehement thirst, and bitter potion of vinegar and gall. I ask it, through His dereliction on the cross when He exclaimed, "My God! my God! why hast Thou forsaken me?" I ask it, through His mercy extended to the good thief, and through His recommending His precious soul and spirit into the hands of His eternal Father before He expired, saying, "It is consummated." I ask it, through the blood mixed with water, which issued from His Sacred Side when pierced with a lance, and whence a flood of grace and mercy has flowed to us. I ask it, through His immaculate life, bitter passion and ignominious death on the cross, at which nature itself was thrown into convulsions, by the bursting of rocks, rending of the veil of the Temple, the earthquake, and the darkness of the sun and moon. I ask it, through His descent into hell, where He confronted the Saints of the old law with His presence, and led the captivity captive. I ask it, through His glorious victory over death, when He arose again to life on the third day, and through the joy which His appearance for forty days after gave thee, His blessed Mother, His Apostles, and the rest of His Disciples; when in thine and their presence He miraculously ascended into heaven. I ask it, through the grace of the Holy Spirit, infused into the hearts of His Disciples, when He descended upon them in the form of fiery tongues, and by which they were inspired with zeal in the conversion of the world, when they went to preach the gospel. I ask it, through the awful appearance of thy Son, at the last dreadful day, when He shall come to judge the living and the dead, and the world, by fire. I ask it, through the compassion He bore thee in His life, and the unspeakable joy thou didst feel at thine assumption into heaven, where thou art eternally absorbed in the sweet contemplation of His divine perfections. O glorious and ever blessed Virgin! comfort the heart of thy supplicant, by obtaining for me, (Mention your prayer intention here...) And as I am persuaded my Divine Saviour doth honour thee as His beloved Mother, to whom He refuses nothing, because thou asketh nothing contrary to His honour, so let me speedily experience the efficacy of thy powerful intercession, according to the tenderness of thy maternal affection, and His filial loving heart, who mercifully granteth the requests and complieth with the desires of those that love and fear Him. Wherefore, O most blessed Virgin, beside the object of my present petition, and whatever else I may stand in need of, obtain for me also of thy dear Son, our Lord and our God, a lively faith, firm hope, perfect charity, true contrition of heart, unfeigned tears of compunction, sincere confession, condign satisfaction, abstinence from sin, love of God and my neighbour, contempt of the world, patience to suffer affronts and ignominies, nay, even, if necessary, an opprobrious death itself, for love of thy Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ. Obtain likewise for me, O sacred Mother of God, perseverance in good works, performance of good resolutions, mortification of self-will, a pious conversation through life, and, at my last moments, strong and sincere repentance, accompanied by such a lively and attentive presence of mind, as may enable me to receive the last Sacrament of the Church worthily, and die in thy friendship and favour. Lastly, obtain through thy Son, I beseech thee, for the souls of my parents, brethren, relatives and benefactors, both living and dead, life everlasting, from the only Giver of every good and perfect gift, the Lord God Almighty, to Whom be all power now and forever. Amen.

Prayer of St. Bonaventure

Pierce, O most sweet Lord Jesus, my inmost soul with the most joyous and healthful wound of Thy love, and with true, calm and most holy apostolic charity, that my soul may ever languish and melt with entire love and longing for Thee, may yearn for Thee and for thy courts, may long to be dissolved and to be with Thee.
Grant that my soul may hunger after Thee, the Bread of Angels, the refreshment of holy souls, our daily and super substantial bread, having all sweetness and savor and every delightful taste.
May my heart ever hunger after and feed upon Thee, Whom the angels desire to look upon, and may my inmost soul be filled with the sweetness of Thy savor; may it ever thirst for Thee, the fountain of life, the fountain of wisdom and knowledge, the fountain of eternal light, the torrent of pleasure, the fullness of the house of God;
may it ever compass Thee, seek Thee, find Thee, run to Thee, come up to Thee, meditate on Thee, speak of Thee, and do all for the praise and glory of Thy name, with humility and discretion, with love and delight, with ease and affection, with perseverance to the end; and be Thou alone ever my hope, my entire confidence, my riches, my delight, my pleasure, my joy, my rest and tranquility, my peace, my sweetness, my food, my refreshment, my refuge, my help, my wisdom, my portion, my possession, my treasure; in Whom may my mind and my heart be ever fixed and firm and rooted immovably. Amen.

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God Bless You!

The Unprofitable Servant

Friday, January 28, 2011

The Struggle

6 comments:

Mary, Queen of Peace

St Michael the Archangel

St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi

St. Teresa Benedicta of The Cross