I picked that title for this post because my mother used to utter it all the time when my sister and I were driving her nuts. If my mother had to deal with what I do on a daily basis, she would have thanked the Lord she had it as easy as she did. And I tell her that all the time, too!
Just once, I'd like to report that I had an easy week at work and everything went swimmingly, but such a week does not seem to be in the cards for me. I have had to deal with a staff member who seems intent on self-destruction, which would be bad enough in and of itself, except her behavior is affecting everyone else. Some things came to light about her this week that have me wondering how anyone saw fit to put her in her current position. I am torn between my desire to move her out of her job and my responsibility to help someone who seems intent on spinning down the drain. I find myself entirely repulsed by her and yet I have to depend on her to some degree. I also feel a responsibility, as her boss, to help her out of her death spiral. The one little voice in my head says: "Just concern yourself with her work performance and leave the rest to her" while the other little voice in my head says: "You may be the only person in her life right now with the ability to set her straight."
I decided to take this to the Lord tonight so I went to the little chapel that has First Friday Evening Adoration. I asked Jesus to help me see her as He does, and not as a wretched thing that I want to avoid at all costs. For now, that was all I could do.
On my way home, I decided to take the more populated route on Broad Street, just slightly out of my way. I heard a voice call out to me: "Can I please get a hug?"
Coming toward me was a scrub tech from my previous job who about wore me out with her issues. I can tell you that it is not an easy thing to dispense tough love to someone who is crying out for help but who is failing to carry out their work responsibilities and negatively impacting everyone else. At times, I felt like a bully who was beating up on a weaker person. I was never mean, but I had to be firm and this meant a lengthy suspension without pay while the person sought treatment for their problem. When she returned to work, she broke down in my office and cried. When she stopped sobbing, she thanked me for being the only person in her life to have heard her cries for help. She was very sad to see me go. I know it was very difficult for her when I left my job because she had to go back to a manager who had more less enabled her behavior.
Here she was tonight, coming toward me with her arms wide open, real joy on her face to see me. She looked like she has been clean and sober and holding fast to her program. She introduced me to her young son and told me things were going very well for her.
For this, I thank St. Therese for her glorious intercession. I know I have to ask the same for the person who is making life miserable for me and a lot of other people at work now. I know this is what Christ meant when He asked what good it was to only love those who love us. I know that sometimes, Jesus uses as as an instrument to help bring a wayward sheep home. I know I need to be more like Him and not mind getting close to the unpleasantness of a sheep that's gotten itself dirty. I know the strength to do this can only come from Him.
"All I do is be weak and little and Jesus does the rest" - St. Therese
Some time ago, I had a dream about her that I never forgot. I was on my way up a stairwell and at the top of the stairwell was a man's hand, extended toward me. The steps were steep and I was having trouble navigating the steps. Behind me was St. Therese, French accent and all, urging me to give Him my hand so He could help me up. "You can't make it yourself" she whispered urgently, "give Him your hand and let Him help you up."
He has helped me up. Now I owe it to Him to help others. If they won't acknowledge Him at first, they will eventually, if I carry out His will as I should.
Mr. Little Way is going to be around for awhile longer. The arthritis medication he's been on has taken a toll on his kidneys. He has to be off all pain meds and anti-inflammatories for 6 weeks at which point labs and ultrasound will be repeated. This was not at all the impression we got when the doctor called asking to see him, but that's ok. She's hopeful the damage has been limited and won't have any long-term implications. Thank you all for your prayers!