The Unprofitable Servant: Unfair Advantages or God's Good Graces?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Unfair Advantages or God's Good Graces?

Please keep me in your prayers. I'm going on an official interview tomorrow at the Catholic hospital I mentioned last week. It is eval time at my present job and I can count on one hand the people who haven't begged me not to leave. I got my own eval today and it was a glowing one, which only increases the guilt. I decided before I went to the eval that if my boss gave me an opening, I would be honest and tell her I'm considering a move. She never gave me the opening so I was careful not to say anything that could be interpreted as a ringing endorsement of my position. Tomorrow's is a quiet schedule and it's the best day to meet everyone I need to meet at the prospective hospital, so it wasn't a problem to take off. I was a coward and informed her in an email, giving no reason except to say I'd switch tomorrow with a scheduled day off next week. I can't lie, so if pressed, I would have responded by saying "I was able to schedule an appointment I need to go on sooner rather than later."

There's a line in the movie "The Horse Whisperer" that I've always thought described me pretty well.

"Tom's not too good with goodbyes. Come to think of it, he's not too good with hello's either"

If I decide this job is right for me, and I think I pretty much have already, I will have to personally say goodbye to all the doctors who interviewed me and gave me the seal of approval. It won't be easy, but not as hard as having to tell some of the staff, who haven't had a voice to speak for them in quite awhile.

I was talking this over with my husband and he got a big kick out of me telling him that I feel like the Bobby Petino of nurse managers. Oy vay!

It really bothered me that I got such a good eval. I thought of some of the people I am responsible for who will not be getting such good evals, because I can't take the easy way out and sweep bad behavior and poor practice under the rug. I keep thinking I have some kind of unfair advantage over them, especially the one who has especially made life miserable for me. I need to learn to distinguish the difference between being the recipient of preferential treatment and being blessed by God. You'd think by now I'd have figured it out, but I'm still a work in progress.

Last night the oldest called me in hysterics. A friend of hers died from a drug overdose. He was the same age she is and had been the steady boyfriend of one of her friends since high school. They weren't as close as she'd like to have me believe and I suspect the real reason she's so shaken is because it's the first time she's having to deal with the death of some one so close in age. Please say a prayer for the boy and his family. I say a prayer of thanks for having a child who so far, has not succumbed to the poison of drugs or alcohol and I pray she stays that way. I thought I had a lot to deal with growing up but these kids have it worse.

Last night I went to bed filled with dread and guilt. I keep thinking of all the people who have spurned the Love of His Sacred Heart, and I can see no reason why I should be so fortunate or blessed to have converted. I don't think the Lord wants us to be filled with the kind of fear that saddens us or fills us with anxiety. I only hope I have earned every day since my conversion the precious gift He gave me when my faith was awakened and my eyes were opened.

6 comments:

Kathy Felsted UsherJune 22, 2011 at 9:17 PM
I am sorry to hear about your daughter's friend. It's sad.

I'm glad your review went well, even if you don't stay. It's good you bring up the bad points to the ones you are evaluating. In our company your review must contain something that can be improved upon (since no one is perfect), in fact, not only does your boss review you but you are also reviewed by various people you interact with so you can see how they perceive you- of course, no names but it's easy to tell who it is. It's a good process if both management and their direct reports take it in a positive way. Good luck on your interview too!
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MannyJune 22, 2011 at 9:47 PM
Sending prayers both for the "hellos" and "goodbyes." ;) Wishing you the best.
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KellyJune 23, 2011 at 8:08 AM
God takes us through paths we can't forsee or understand. If He meant all along for you to get to this second job, by way of the first job, He had a reason for it. It sounds like you did as much good as you could while you were there, what else could He ask?
I know the feeling you speak of. But again if you are following, as best you can make out, the will of God for you, then you must consider it a blessing! Really, it probably is a huge blessing, but you well know, all jobs bring their downside along.
Prayers for your interview. And for goodwill at the (hopefully) old one. :)
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KellyJune 23, 2011 at 8:10 AM
btw, I had to look up Bobby Petino...lol
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KerriJune 23, 2011 at 7:44 PM
Congrats on your glowing evaluation and good luck on your interview :)

Blessings,

Kerri
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TLWJune 23, 2011 at 8:12 PM
Thank you all for your well-wishes. The interview went very well. People spoke to me as though I already had the position, which is comforting. Every time I had to pass the chapel, I nearly had to pinch myself and say "He's THERE, right there, in the lobby" because that is where the chapel is located, the entrance is in the lobby. I have to put it in God's hands now. My friend, who is deeply religious, is convinced this is His plan, for BOTH of us.

Blessings!
Joyce
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Mary, Queen of Peace

Ever glorious and blessed Mary, Queen of Virgins, Mother of Mercy, hope and comfort of dejected and desolate souls, through that sword of sorrow which pierced thy tender heart whilst thine only Son, Christ Jesus, our Lord, suffered death and ignominy on the cross; through that filial tenderness and pure love He had for thee, grieving in thy grief, whilst from His cross He recommended thee to the care and protection of His beloved disciple, St. John, take pity, I beseech thee, on my poverty and necessities; have compassion on my anxieties and cares; assist and comfort me in all my infirmities and miseries, of every kind whatsoever. Thou art the Mother of Mercies, the sweet comforter and only refuge of the needy and the orphan, of the desolate and afflicted. Cast, therefore, an eye of pity on a miserable, forlorn child of Eve, and hear my prayer; for since, in just punishment of my sins, I find myself encompassed by a multitude of evils, and oppressed with much anguish of spirit, wither can I fly for more secure shelter, O amiable Mother of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, than under the wings of thy maternal protection? Attend, therefore, I beseech thee, with an ear of pity and compassion, to my humble and earnest request. I ask it, through the bowels of mercy of thy dear Son; Through that love and condescension wherewith He embraced our nature, when, in compliance with the divine Will, thou gavest thy consent, and whom, after the expiration of nine months thou didst bring forth from the chaste enclosure of thy womb, to visit the world, and bless it with His presence. I ask it, through that anguish of mind wherewith thy beloved Son, our dear Saviour, was overwhelmed on the Mount of Olives, when He besought His eternal Father to remove from Him, if possible, the bitter chalice of His future passion. I ask it, through the threefold repetition of His prayers in the garden, whence afterwards, with dolorous steps and mournful tears, thou didst accompany Him to the doleful theatre of His death and sufferings. I ask it, through the welts and bruises of His virginal flesh, occasioned by the cords and whips wherewith He was bound and scourged, when stripped of His seamless garment, for which His executioners afterwards cast lots. I ask it, through the scoffs and ignominies by which He was insulted; the false accusations and unjust sentence by which He was condemned to death, and which He bore with heavenly patience. I ask it, through His bitter tears and bloody sweat; His silence and resignation; His sadness and grief of heart. I ask it, through the blood which trickled from His royal and Sacred Head, when struck with the sceptre of a reed and pierced with His crown of thorns. I ask it, through the excruciating torments He suffered, when His hands and feet were fastened with gross nails to the tree of the cross. I ask it, through His vehement thirst, and bitter potion of vinegar and gall. I ask it, through His dereliction on the cross when He exclaimed, "My God! my God! why hast Thou forsaken me?" I ask it, through His mercy extended to the good thief, and through His recommending His precious soul and spirit into the hands of His eternal Father before He expired, saying, "It is consummated." I ask it, through the blood mixed with water, which issued from His Sacred Side when pierced with a lance, and whence a flood of grace and mercy has flowed to us. I ask it, through His immaculate life, bitter passion and ignominious death on the cross, at which nature itself was thrown into convulsions, by the bursting of rocks, rending of the veil of the Temple, the earthquake, and the darkness of the sun and moon. I ask it, through His descent into hell, where He confronted the Saints of the old law with His presence, and led the captivity captive. I ask it, through His glorious victory over death, when He arose again to life on the third day, and through the joy which His appearance for forty days after gave thee, His blessed Mother, His Apostles, and the rest of His Disciples; when in thine and their presence He miraculously ascended into heaven. I ask it, through the grace of the Holy Spirit, infused into the hearts of His Disciples, when He descended upon them in the form of fiery tongues, and by which they were inspired with zeal in the conversion of the world, when they went to preach the gospel. I ask it, through the awful appearance of thy Son, at the last dreadful day, when He shall come to judge the living and the dead, and the world, by fire. I ask it, through the compassion He bore thee in His life, and the unspeakable joy thou didst feel at thine assumption into heaven, where thou art eternally absorbed in the sweet contemplation of His divine perfections. O glorious and ever blessed Virgin! comfort the heart of thy supplicant, by obtaining for me, (Mention your prayer intention here...) And as I am persuaded my Divine Saviour doth honour thee as His beloved Mother, to whom He refuses nothing, because thou asketh nothing contrary to His honour, so let me speedily experience the efficacy of thy powerful intercession, according to the tenderness of thy maternal affection, and His filial loving heart, who mercifully granteth the requests and complieth with the desires of those that love and fear Him. Wherefore, O most blessed Virgin, beside the object of my present petition, and whatever else I may stand in need of, obtain for me also of thy dear Son, our Lord and our God, a lively faith, firm hope, perfect charity, true contrition of heart, unfeigned tears of compunction, sincere confession, condign satisfaction, abstinence from sin, love of God and my neighbour, contempt of the world, patience to suffer affronts and ignominies, nay, even, if necessary, an opprobrious death itself, for love of thy Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ. Obtain likewise for me, O sacred Mother of God, perseverance in good works, performance of good resolutions, mortification of self-will, a pious conversation through life, and, at my last moments, strong and sincere repentance, accompanied by such a lively and attentive presence of mind, as may enable me to receive the last Sacrament of the Church worthily, and die in thy friendship and favour. Lastly, obtain through thy Son, I beseech thee, for the souls of my parents, brethren, relatives and benefactors, both living and dead, life everlasting, from the only Giver of every good and perfect gift, the Lord God Almighty, to Whom be all power now and forever. Amen.

Prayer of St. Bonaventure

Pierce, O most sweet Lord Jesus, my inmost soul with the most joyous and healthful wound of Thy love, and with true, calm and most holy apostolic charity, that my soul may ever languish and melt with entire love and longing for Thee, may yearn for Thee and for thy courts, may long to be dissolved and to be with Thee.
Grant that my soul may hunger after Thee, the Bread of Angels, the refreshment of holy souls, our daily and super substantial bread, having all sweetness and savor and every delightful taste.
May my heart ever hunger after and feed upon Thee, Whom the angels desire to look upon, and may my inmost soul be filled with the sweetness of Thy savor; may it ever thirst for Thee, the fountain of life, the fountain of wisdom and knowledge, the fountain of eternal light, the torrent of pleasure, the fullness of the house of God;
may it ever compass Thee, seek Thee, find Thee, run to Thee, come up to Thee, meditate on Thee, speak of Thee, and do all for the praise and glory of Thy name, with humility and discretion, with love and delight, with ease and affection, with perseverance to the end; and be Thou alone ever my hope, my entire confidence, my riches, my delight, my pleasure, my joy, my rest and tranquility, my peace, my sweetness, my food, my refreshment, my refuge, my help, my wisdom, my portion, my possession, my treasure; in Whom may my mind and my heart be ever fixed and firm and rooted immovably. Amen.

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God Bless You!

The Unprofitable Servant

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Unfair Advantages or God's Good Graces?

6 comments:

Mary, Queen of Peace

St Michael the Archangel

St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi

St. Teresa Benedicta of The Cross